


Thrid strike- You re out!

by Sternenzauber



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Corporal Punishment, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Discipline, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, M/M, Solitary Confinement, Spanking, deaththreats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-29 19:40:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12637848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sternenzauber/pseuds/Sternenzauber
Summary: Being alone with Negan in Alexandria cant be good. It surly isnt for Carl Grimes. Or Rick Grimes. Or both of them together. Will they discouver a softer side to Negan or will it just go downhill? Well, lets count to three and lets find out!





	1. A long evening

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there,   
> this is my first try in this fandom, please be gentle.  
> I m open to suggestions.  
> I havent watched the 7 th season yet, look at this work as a work of creative freedom.  
> Thank you.   
> Enjoy your read

 He could do that. It shouldnt be that hard to pull his shit together till Rick was back. Keep calm, keep breathing, do as he says and primarily: keep him away from Judith. Nothing else matters now. Just keep him away. Everything will be fine.

„Carl, pass the rolls.“

This devil had to be bloody kidding him. What was that, playing house?

„Please“, Negan added as an afterthought. Carl starred at him. Slowly the dishes, the glasses, the food on the table zoomed back into focus.

„Earth to Carl. Where are you? Lost inside again?“

Even the slightly annoyed voice didnt stir a reaction out of Carl. That couldnt be happening. Sharing food with the enemy. Breaking bread on the same table. The table that Glenn had sat with them days ago…

„Allright, here comes the coundtown. Three…“

The urge to vomit was overwhelming. He needed room to breath, he needed a way out. Now..

„Two…“

Olivia saved the day, by trying to get up and fullfill Negans request herself. Carl woke up.

„Sorry. Here you go.“ He handed the little bread basket over.

„See that wasnt so hard, now was it? What is it with you Grimes boys and allways needing a fucking second and third promt?“ The man was pissed.

A soft whimper from upstairs brought Carl back to reality. He stood up. „I ll just…“ Negans hand on his forearm stopped him. „Sit back down, kid.“

The whimper got louder. „I ll be right back…please…“ He hated how pleading his voice sounded. When the whimper transformed to crying, Carl wrestled himself free of Negans grip and ran upstairs.

 

„Hey Judy, whats the matter?  Are you hungry too sweetheart? Of course you are…“

When he came back downstairs with the baby, Olivia was nowhere to be seen. Reluctantly he sat back down and started feeding the baby with a bottle of milk. „Hand her over, your food will get cold.“ Negan shoved the last fork of noodles in his mouth. Maybe if he pretended he hadnt heared, the man would just let it slide. „Carl, let me feed her, you have to eat too.“ He sounded casual, almost on the verge of worried. Carl just kept his eyes locked with Judys eyes.

„You know the rules around here, kid. Do as I say and nobody gets hurt, right? Hand her over.“ Five more gulps of milk. Just  five more.

„Its fine. I ve got this.“

„Not my point. I said hand her over!“ Four more gulps.

„Allright, you asked for this. Again. Three…“

Two more gulps of milk. „Two…“

„All done, thats a good girl, Judy. Now…“

And in the next moment Negan took the baby from his arms. Carls world narrowed down to the yellow birds on Judys Jumper. The boys breathing was shallow. Panic constricted his throat. The villain turned around to him.

„See? I ve got this. Now. You sit there and wont move, except to eat your spaghetti. All of it.  Then you wash the dishes and come by to tell me good night. You look on the verge of a collaps, some sleep will do you good.“

Without further ado Negan left the kitchen with Judy. Carl had never eaten so quickly in his life. Two minutes later he ran after them, just to witness Negan putting the baby in her crib.

„You have permission to sit with her for ten minutes. Ten minutes, got it?“ In panic Carl searched Judith for marks of mistreatment. Even the fact that he couldnt find any didnt calm him down entirly. He rocked the cradle, sang to her, couldnt take his eyes of her. No way in hell would he leave her alone again. He sat down beside Judiths bed and wished for his father to come back.

Who came back wasnt Rick but Negan. A long solemn look was exchanged between them. Then the man beckond him over. Reluctantly Carl left the room with him. „Ten minutes. You know how long you were in there?“ „Ten Minutes?“ Carl offered. He had no clue how much time had really passed. „Twenty mintues, boy. And…“ they stopped in the kitchen, „does that look like washed dishes to you, Carl?“

Carl didnt say anything, didnt look at him. „Thats the third strike.“

„You werent counting.“

„No, that will be your job in a second. Now bend over the fucking  sofa.“

Defiantly Carl crossed his arms infront of his chest. „Make me.“

„You really think thats fucking clever? Kid, you have fucking much to learn.“ Negan grinned. In the next moment Carl was bent over the sofa, pants down at his ankles. Negan undid his belt. Carls breath hitched. „Please…dont…“

The flashback hit hard. The earthy ground beneath him, too less air to breath, panic, trashing around…

A loud snap and a horrible sting on his behind brought Carl back to reality. He turned around and tried to get up.

„Look kid, I am really fucking generouse here. Stay down. First one is free. If you try that again we will start over. Same if you forget to count. Do I get a number, please?“

„How …how many…“

„As many as I think are needed.“ Negan grinned.

The next strike hit. Carl fought for breath. Negan waited patiently for a minute or two then he hit Carl again. Carl hang his head.

„You are taking that well. Very obedient. Not fighting me, no trying to get up. Only thing that needs practice is the counting, boy. You do know how to count, right?“

„Two…two…sorry…“

„No, I am sorry, I should have thought about that. Now. We start over. We start counting with one, right? One, two, three. Are you with me?“

He was messing with him. Couldnt be any other way. Think of Judith. Keep her safe. You will survive this madman. Breath in, breath out. Play his game.

„I m sorry, Negan, i ll be counting.“ He clenched his teeth and waited for the slap. „One, sir, thank you sir.“ „Very good, Carl. See, thats what I am talking about. Wasnt so fucking hard now, was it?“ The next hit had Carl yelling out. „Now now now, boy, we want to keep the fucking noise down, remeber your babysister needs her sleep.“ Judy. Right. Think of Judy. You can take it. The next stroke hit. „Two sir, thank you sir, I am sorry.“ Rewarding fingers brushed through his hair. The belt came down again. Carl hissed. „Three sir, thank you sir.“ A single tear escaped his eye. And the next thing he saw was Negans offered hand infront of his face. Was that a trap? Reluctantly Carl reached for it. Negan helped him up. „Now, go clean the dishes and go to bed, i ll be up with you shortly.“

Slowly Carl filled the sink with water and starrted scrubbing. He was dead tired and on his last legs. Forlornly he looked out of the window. Dad, where are you? Please come back soon.

As he climbed the stairs to his room Negan was allready waiting for him in the doorway. He was out of the leather jacket and was wearing pyjama pants. He looked so normal, it scared Carl to death. „Come here and say good night.“ He really wanted to obey, currl up next to Judys crib and forget that the madman even had been there. But he couldnt move a muscle. „Good night, Negan.“ He almost couldnt hear that himself. But it was good enough for the leader of the saviours. Negan came closer and closer and before Carl could react, push him away, or scream, Negan had kissed him on the forhead. „Good night, Carl.“

Enough stress for one evening. But as Carl heared the key in the lock turning, after he entered his own bedroom, he panicked. „What are you doing?“ „Do you really think I am fucking stupid? Sorry to ruin your idea of fun, but you wont try to assasinate me in my sleep, thank you very fucking much.“

„Let me out! Let me out this instant! Negan! Let me out!“ Carl screamed at the top of his lungs. The next thing he heared was Judy crying.

Negan opened the door and god, if looks could kill… „You stay in here until morning, or you will meet my belt again, and this time it will be more than three love tabs.“

The door closed again. Carl was out of the window and inside Judys room quicker than Negan could lock him up. „Schschsch, little ass kicker. Everything will be fine. Here, let me chance your nappy, hm? We have to be silent now, or the big bad wolf might catch us…“

„He allready did.“ Negan made a half serious howling sound. „Now give me the baby, i ll change her and then you two go to bed.“…“Now, Carl.“

It was strange watching Negan being so gentle with Judy. It was frankly quite absurd. Negan put Judy back in the crib. Carl didnt move a muscle.

„Please go back to your room, and go to sleep Carl.“ You have to be bloody kidding me. The next thing he knew was Negans hand on his neck, Negan guiding him back to his room.

„I know why you are so restless, i forgot, this is all on me. Come over my lap.“

Carl closed his eye. He almost expected Negan just to grab him. But nothing happened. As he opened his eye Negan just sat there and looked expectantly at Carl.

„As you wish my boy, I am counting again. One…two… Boy, third strike and you are out. I am warning you.“

Slowly and reluctantly Carl obeyed. He expected the belt again, maybe Negans hand, maybe another instrument Negan had picked up from the kitchen. Anything but certainly not the salve that Negan applied to his heated flesh.

„That should calm you down a bit. Keep still, no fidgeting, thats a good boy. Sorry about that, you should be able to sleep after this.“

Before Carl could protest or even feel ashamed about it, Negan pulled his trousers back up, gave him a smack and pulled the covers up over Carls back.

„Now, my boy, do you think you can stay in bed until morning or do I have to restrain you?“ Did he actually want an answer to that question?

„You know what, Carl, I ll just make that easier for you…“ Negan left the room. A moment later he came back with Judys bed. „Little angel here will be sleeping next to you. Does that make you feel any better?“ Carl let out a breath that he didnt even realized he had been holding.

„Carl, how about a thank you?“

The words were stuck in his throat. All he managed was a short nod.

„Now, boy. I mean it. No getting out of bed. Sleep. Rest. You still in pain?“ This time Negan waited for a verbal answer.

„No, sir.“

„Thats good, because you will be again, if you disobey me. Good night.“

Carl felt sick. The only thing that kept him from vomiting was the fact that Negan was out of the room for now. He listened to Judiths soft breathing, tried to calm himself down and closed his eye. The moment he was ready to relax a bit, the baby started whimpering.

„Schschsch, I am here, everything is allright…“ Carl got up and lifted Judith up in his arms. Judy kept on whimpering. „Lets look out of the window a bit, huh, Judy?“

It was pitch black outside. No one else seemed to be awake. Except for him and the devil. „What did I just say?“ Carl didnt turn around.

„Judy was restless.“

„Then you should have called me. You need your rest too. Give her to me and go back to bed.“

„She is fine now.“ Defiance radiated from Carls every pore. One step, two steps, three steps, Negan was standing so close now, that Carl could feel his breath.

„First strike, kid. Why dont you be a good boy, give me the girl and get. in. the. bed?“

„Like hell…“

„Second strike, boy. You really must be a sucker for pain. Look at yourself, you are about to faint from fatigue. Give me the baby, I ll take care of her. I am the adult. Thats how it should be. Carl. Let me help you.“ „And what are you going to do, if i refuse? Whalopp me into next week?“

Negan closed his eyes and shaked his head. „Tell me kid, how does daddy dearest punish you? Because, hell, it isnt working very well.“

„Non of your damn business.“

„Well, well, well boy, looks like i fucking have to come up with something that might stick with you a little longer.“

Carl glared at Negan. The man left the room. Carl put Judy back in the crib, she was fast asleep again.

When the leader of the saviours came back, Carl had worked up a nervous tension. „What are you hiding there?“

„Something that will remind you to do as you are told. Which is: Stay in bed, try to sleep and let me take care of the rest. Now. Trousers down again and over my knee, you know the drill.“

Carl obeyed Negan, but his tension didnt go unnoticed. The villain caressed Carls hair. „See, thats a good boy. Now, this will sting, but it wont hurt you. Understood? It wont hurt you. The sting will stay throughout the night though.“

The creme was cold at first and Carl thought for a moment that it wouldnt be so bad. But then the burning started. Negan applied a second layer and a third. Carl hissed and shivered, but Negans fingers didnt stop working the oinment into his skin. Aggitated Carl tried to struggle. „Since you are making this so fucking difficult, I ll have to drive it home further.“ Frozen in place, Carl held his breath.

„You cant touch me there.“

„Says who?“

„My dad…my teacher at school…“

„Do you see them around here?“ Negan chuckled.

„Please it burns…“

„Its supposed to, its punishment. Hold still, little badass.“

Think of Judy, dont make him count again. You can take this, he is just messing with your head. He said so himself, it cant hurt you….

„Now, Carl Grimes. Who is in charge here?“

Did he actually want an answer to that?

„You?“

„Are you asking me or telling me?“

The burning doesnt stop. Breath in. Breath out. Think of Judy. You ll be allright.

„Telling you. Sir. Please may i get up?“

„Well, since you are asking so fucking nicely…Go stand in the corner over there, no moving, got it?“

Carl nodded slowly. He felt like he might faint any second. And then everything went black.

 

 

He woke up what felt like hours later. He heard soft snoring next to him. A dull ache in his backside reminded him of the privious encounter with the saviour resting next to him. A quick, almost panicky look over to the crib reassured Carl that Judith was fine. She was fast asleep. Negan had wrapped him in a blanket and had him resting at the wall side oft he bed. Carl felt kind of trapped. Slowely he stired and tried to get out of the blanket.

But he didnt get very far. Negans hand pushed him down again. „Stay in bed, Carl. Its in the middle of the night. Go back to sleep. Judy is fine.“

„I want to go to the bathroom.“

„Allright. Be quick about it.“ The villain helped him out oft he blanket and let him out of the bed. The boy staggered.

„Wait up, I ll acompany you. Cant have you fainting again.“

„It is allright.“

„Allright is what I say it is. And what is it with the contradicting?“

Carl took a deep breath. And he let it go. „Sorry.“

„You better be.“ Please, dad, come back soon. Please save me from this tyrant.

Negan held him by the uperarm and guided him to the bathroom as if he was completly blind. To his despair the saviour didnt leave the bathroom but occupied himself with brushing his teeth. Carl thought about making a break for it and building a barricade in the bedroom. But he let the thought go. Akward had a new name. Carl closed his eye and blocked the saviour out for a moment.

„Shall I talk to our doctor to check in on you? You arent sick are you?“

„I m fine. May I wash my hands?“ Negan stepped aside, foraging in the bathroom cupbord. He put different items on the sink, a toothbrush cup, a bar of soap, a straight razor. Before Carl could think it through he watched himself reaching for the weapon. And in the next moment, Negans hand came down on his wrist.

„What do you think you are doing?“ Time stood still again. Carl thought he could hear the wind blowing through the trees outside. Or maybe it was just his own blood rushing in his ears. Negan twisted Carls arm to the boys back and guided him back to the bedroom. This time he restrained the boy to the bedpost.

„I really dont know if you Grimes boys are just plain stupid or just insanly brave. Neither is exactly good for your health. You should know that by now. Look kid, I am tired, you are tired, your baby sister needs her sleep, so we are doing this the easy way. We forget about it tonight and deal with it tomorrow morning. Got it?“

Before Carl could answer, Judith wimpered. And when Negan reached for her, Carls resolve broke. He didnt start crying. He didnt start screaming. He did both, working himself in a fit. He started hyperventilating. When Negans hands came down on his mouth and nose, he started trashing. But the man didnt suffocate him. He just held his hands there.

„Breath through the nose, out through the mouth. Everything is fine. You wont faint, i promise. Calm yourself. Stop these hysterics. Really, what did you think i wanted to do, huh? I wont harm your sister, if thats what you are worried about.“

Carl closed his eye. He concentrated on Negans hand over his mouth. Warm. Dry. Smelled like the soap.

The saviour started whistling. „You are my sunshine.“ Carl relaxed. His breathing turned to normal. Negan held his hand there a moment longer than he had to.

„You ready to sleep now? I d really hate to give you the trashing now. I had it planned for tomorrow.“ One last look at Judith crib calmed Carl down completly. The baby was asleep again.

„Good boy. See, that wasnt so hard.“ Carl immediatly tensed up again, when Negan started to run his fingers through his hair. „Your daddy must really have been neglecting you, boy. Cuddling is good for you.“

At first he wanted to say something like „ dont touch me“ or „take your bloody paws off me“. But Carl was so tired. And it actually felt kind of good.

„You like that, little serial killer? How about that?“ Small circles on the back of his neck. Negan was cuddling him. The world must have died. Again. This couldnt be real.

„What..what are you doing?“ Carl found his voice again. It must have been stuck under the pillow.

„Making sure you have a safe passage to dreamland again. You need your sleep.“

„I…I cant leave you alone with Judy.“

„Now, dont make a fool of yourself, the baby will be fine.“

„I dont believe you.“ Now the saviour looked offended.

„Her cradle is on your side of the bed. Dont you think you would hear me, if i tried anything? Which i wont?“

When Carl still looked a bit unsure, Negan went back to cuddling. „Now, dont be so stiff, you liked that earlier.“ Negans hand was tickling his back now. Carl watched him closely.

„Anybody ever told you that you have really nice hair, for a boy I mean?“ Did this man ever shut up?

„Why dont you close your eye, and relax a bit? I promise i wont try anything you dont want.“

„Why should i trust you? Why dont you just kill me?“

„Because Rick would riot, thats why. Now be so kind and try to relax a bit or you wont be able to fall asleep.“

The imposing fingers were at his neck again. Carl wanted to tell the man to go find himself a teddy bear or something. But he didnt in the end.

As if he could hear his thoughts Negan said: „Prentend all you want that you dont like that. Your body tells me otherwise. Let go. Let me take care of everything else.“ It seemed so easy to listen to the saviour. „Relax. You need to go back to sleep. Carl. Its in the middle of the night.“

Carl unclenched his fists.

„Thats better.“ The hand was at his lower back now. When Negan touched his bottom Carl flinched slightly.

„Tell me to fuck off, if you dont like it.“ Carl didnt move an inch, he held his breath and waited for what Negan had in mind. The words never came out. He made a small squeal when Negan spanked him lightly. „Boy you want to breath. Be good, close your eye and relax.“

He was cuddled again. Carl forced himself to think about his father.

„Rick wont help you out of this this time, kid. Dont even try that.“ Was this maniac a mind reader or something?

„You are so touchstarved, i m beginning to wonder if Rick ever touches you at all?“ Carl gritted his teeth. Inhale. Exhale.

„Yes, he does.“ The words sounded harsh. Negan stopped for a moment and narrowed his eyes.

Carl closed his eye for a second. „No, not like that. My dad isnt abusing me. He comforts me when I am sad or angry.“

„And how in purgatory would he do that? Because that doesnt seem to be working very well either.“ Why on earth would Negan even want to know stuff like that?

„He holds me. Hugs me. He touches my neck, i think. He tends to do that a lot.“

„Yeah, right and that seems to work so well for you.“ The man rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his words.

Carl was tired, Carl was irritated and he couldnt take any more bullshit from the leader of the saviours. So he turned around and snapped: „What is it to you, asshole?“ And that was a mistake.

Quicker than he could draw the next breath, Negan had him turned over and this time he went for carls tighs. „You dont want gentle, fine, then i wont do gentle. You put that on yourself, boy.“ Carl squirmed, hissed and tried to get away.

„Do you want to say sorry and go back to cuddling?“ The baby stirred in the crib, Carl held his breath. The hits rained down on him like rain.

„ I am waiting, Carl Grimes.“ His lip was bleeding. He had bitten too hard.

„Let me guess you were one of those kids, who had a meeting with the gym teachers paddle every week at least. Stubborn as hell, cheeky too…“

Did this man ever shut up?

„Nobody ever hit me at school.“

„Told you, someone should have. Would spare me a whole world of trouble now.“

Breath.

Hold your breath.

Breath out.

„I m sorry. Good night.“

„Good night, Carl.“  



	2. And here is Rick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who read the first chapter, here is the second.

The first thing Carl heard in the morning was a shouting match between his father and the leader of the saviours. When he looked over to the crib, he froze in shock. Judith was gone. He almost fell down the stairs in his hurry.   
„You. hit. my. son?!“  
„He was stubborn.“  
„I dont care if he was tenacious like a donkey, i dont want you doing it!“  
„Well, prick, somebody needs to reign this boy of yours in. Would be your job actually, but since you are doing such an awfull job…of like anything i tell you to do….i ll be glad to cover for you.“  
Rick got paler and paler. „Maybe if you could stop ordering me around like your slave, I could actually be here for my children! I could…“  
„Carefull! Carefull how you are talking to me, Rick…“  
Carl saw his father gulp down fear.  
He cleared his throat. „Good morning, dad. Negan.“ Carefull y he stepped closer to his father and took Judith from his arms. „Good morning, Judy.“  
Rick looked right through him, as if he wasnt there. When Negan stepped a step closer, Rick flinched.  
„Do you want some breakfast, little serial killer?“  
„I ve got this…“ Rick handed him a plate with some bread and grilled bacon on it.   
„Dont burn the eggs.“ The former sheriff looked right through the saviour. The hand with which he held his son close was ice cold. Rick was grabbing a bit too tightly. Almost as if he was afraid, that Negan would snatch his child from him.  
„Rick! The eggs!“  
To Carl it looked as if his father had just woken up from a nightmare.   
„Yeah, …yes…sorry, i ve got this…“  
„Kid! Take your babysister from your daddy and sit. Before you faint again.“  
Sowly almost in slow motion Rick walked over to his son.   
„ I swear to god and high heaven if you burn these eggs, Rick Grimes, we are gonna have a whole different set of problems! I have it up to here with you people and wasting ressources!“  
Negan took the pan from the stove, then he raised his hand and slapped Rick over the head. Hard. Carls breath got stuck in his throat. His eyes were fixated on Judy. The baby snuggled into Ricks chest and whimpered slightly. Rick was holding on too tightly.  
Quickly Carl took Judith, distracted her and went to warm her bottle.  
The saviour went on ranting: „Really, you pussies need a man in this houshold! Good thing is, daddy Negan is here to stay. Sit. yourself. down. Rick.“  
His fathers eyes were locked with his. Carl held his breath and instantly gripped Judy tighter.  
„I wont say it again, Rick. Take a seat or I ll make you.“  
And then Rick just fainted.   
„Dad!“  
„Stay where you are, kid!“ Negan thundered. He scooped Rick up as if he was just a ragdoll. He carried him up to the bedrooms.   
„Boy, fetch me some water and a towel. Then you stay downstairs with your sister. Got it?“  
„Yes.“  
„What was that?“  
„Yes, sir.“

He heared the two men shouting again. At least his father was awake again.  
„What the fuck is wrong with you? You are on your last legs and you still believe you can lead these people? Fuck, you really do? Fuckity fuck, you cant even discipline your own kid!“  
„Carl needs a father, not a disciplinarian!“  
„He needs a fucking trashing!“  
Carl covered his ears with his hands.  
„KID! Where the hell are the towel and the water? I swear to god, if I have to come fetch you…!“  
„Dont threaten him like that, i m sure he is on his way up.“ Ricks voice sounded strained.  
„He better be.“

Carl wiped his fathers forehead with the cloth.   
„Kid, be a lamb, go fetch your daddy here some greens from your green house.“  
„I m fine…“ Rick tried to object.  
„Fine is what I say it is! And you are so not fine, Rick Grimes!“ Negan said in a dangerously soft voice.  
„15 minutes, boy. You dont want to know what happens when you are late.“

Rick tried to sit up. „I am allright. Really. I ll go help Carl…“  
„You, Rick, will stay in bed. Do as you are told for a change.“  
The leader of the Alexandriners tried to get up anyway.  
„Like father, like son. Stubborn like a donkey! Tell me, Rick what good will it do, if you faint a second time, maybe even hit your head? Huh? Think about your daughter. Think about Carl. You cant protect them, if you are unconscious.“  
„Protect them from you?“ Rick whispered through clenched teeth.  
„Ah, Rickety-Rick, just be quiet and do as you are fucking told for a change!“  
Negan wiped Ricks head down with the cloth. The man just stayed still, looked at Negan with hate in his stomach and hoplessness in his eyes.  
20 Minutes later, Carl returned.  
„You, boy, are LATE! What were you doing, making out with a girl, behind the barn?“  
„Dont talk to my son like that…“  
„Oh I ll talk to him however I like. Really, you are much to lax with him! Boy? Get over here! You were 5 minutes late, right? Right?!“  
One couldnt blame Carl for not trying not to flinch.  
„Yes sir.“  
The saviour and the boy stared each other down.  
„Come with me, Carl.“ Negan grabbed him at the sleeve and walked him downstairs, ignoring Ricks pleading.

„You will sleep here tonight. No, i dont discuss that with you. Yes, i will take good care of your daddy and judith. You better think about your attitude and your tardiness. If you need anything, you can ring this belle. If you abuse it, you wont like what will happen. Good night, Carl.“ A kiss to the forhead. Then Carl was alone in the dark closet.

Negan had allways viewed Rick Grimes more like a sheep, which sometimes didnt follow the shepherd. He never saw him as the wolf. But when he returned to his chamber, Rick Grimes had turned into a lion.  
„What have you done to my son?!“  
Before the sick man could do anything, Negan was on him and pinned him down on the bed.  
Rick fought for breath.  
„I ll let go of you in 5 seconds. Then I want you to kneel in that corner over there and think about what I could have done to your son. Then you will aplogize for that childish tantrum. Then i will punish you for it. And then, if you have been good, i ll tell you what i really did to sweet little Carl. Got it, Grimes?“  
The former sheriffs face looked ashen.

He made the man wait for it. Rick was crying, shaking, almost tried to hide himself in the corner.   
„Back straight, Rick. Dont touch the wall. Really, man, you never heard anything about cornertiome before? No wonder your kid is stubborn and so ill behaved.“  
„My boy is perfectly fine…“  
„Yes, keep telling yourself that.“

Rick Grimes was shaking and breathed in short-cut breaths. Negan left him alone with his thoughts for a while. The leader of Alexandria was pale as a ghost. So Negan decided to have a little mercy: „Did you come up with anything yet? Got anything to fucking say to me?“  
„I m sorry, Negan.“ Ricks voice sounded dead and shallow. He closed his eyes, tears were running down his cheeks. He tried to say something else, but the words wouldnt come out.  
After a moment of letting the man stew on his feelings, Negan took Rick in his arms, petted through moist, greying curls.  
„What are you sorry for?“  
„Attacking you?“  
„Are you asking me, or telling me, Rick?“  
„Telling you. Sir.“  
Negan chuckled. Really, like father, like son. „Good boy, Rick. Now. For your punishment.“ The man in his arms tensed up.  
„Oh hush, its not like i want to split your head open or like i would want to take your hands. But thinking about it…give me your hands, Rick.“  
He talked in such a calm manner, as if he was talking about the weather. Rick felt sick. He was injured, in no position to fight against this madman.  
He had threatened him with this once before. He had wanted to take his hands. Was he going to go through with it this time?  
„Not like that. Seriously, Ricky-pricky, you are sicker than I am myself. Dont make me repeat myself, Rick Grimes.“  
Negan didnt hurt Ricks hands. He just cuffed him to the headboard.  
„I love your shackles, have i ever told you that? So, Rick, what do you think I did to sweet Carly-boy?“  
As if triggered by this keyword, Rick started crying and whailing.  
Fascinated Negan watched Ricks tears. To him they looked like diamonds.  
He bedded Rick in his lap, saw to it, that Rick didnt put weight on his own shoulders and that he wasnt hurting his wrists in the cuffs. Then he gently started stroking Ricks tears away. When the man had calmed down a bit, Negan started talking: „So. You will stay like this. All night. No arguing, got it? You need your rest. Your wrists arent hurting, right?“  
„What did you do to my son?“ Ricks voice sounded like sandpaper.  
Negan nudged a glass of water against the mans lips. „Open up and drink. Be good, you need to stay hydrated.“  
Obediently the leader of the Alexandrians drank.  
„Good boy, Rick. See, isnt so god damn fucking hard to obey once in a while, right?“  
„What did you do to my son?“ Now his voice had gone desparate and shrill.  
„He is in the closet downstairs, so he cant come up with any sort of mischief.“  
When Rick started to struggle and started hyperventilating Negan could just laugh at the many similarities between father and son.  
„Now, calm the fuck down, Ricky. Just so you ll feel better, i ll go downstairs and have a look, if everything is peachy.“

The saviour took a quick stopover in Judiths room, took the sleeping baby out of the crib, went in search for some babyfood, a bottle and a blanket and went over to the closet. He gave Carl a hard slap or two on the bottom and put the sleeping baby next to him.  
The boy woke up from the slap and curled in on himself. Negan sat down and started playing with Carls hair.  
„Everything okay, kid?“  
The boy nodded, then he reached over to his babysister. He laid his hand on her chest to check her breathing. Then he turned to face Negan again.  
„You allways seem to be more comfortable with little angel here next to you. Right?“  
„Yes, sir. Thank you.“  
Negans face split in a huge smile. „Good boy, Carl. Here, your waterbottle. If you need anything…“  
„I ll ring the bell.“  
„Very good, Carl. Sleep tight.“  
„Negan?“ The voice sounded timid.  
„When will I be allowed to get out of here?“  
„When I think you wont ever be dilly-dallying again.“  
The boy hung his head.  
Rick was hyperalert to any small noise that came from outside. That was why he let go a bombardement of questions when Negan hadnt even stepped foot into the sleeping chamber.  
„Where the hell is my daughter? What the fuck did you do with Carl? I…“  
„Shut up, Rick Grimes, this instant! What kind of behaviour is that supposed to be ?! I should wash your mouth out with soap, for real.“  
„You are one to speak! You are running a filthy mouth all the time. Please, every third word you use is fuck.“  
Negan sat down on the bed and started to wipe Ricks forehead down with the wet cloth. „Do you still feel faint? What was that all about? Did you forget to eat or drink? Are you hurt?“  
„Get your bloody hands off me! You smell of blood! Stay away from me!“  
„Ey, what is it with the attitude?! I m trying to help you, prick! Ungratefull little shit, just like your son!“  
Negan tried to put the cloth on Ricks forehead, but the man under him started fighting again. He kicked and struggled. And Negan lost his patience. He flipped Rick easily onto his stomach as if he weighed next to nothing and delievered a few hard smacks on his bottom.  
„Like father, like son, it is beyond ridiculous. Its not even funny anymore, Rick.“  
The former sheriff hid his face in his arms. His shoulders were shaking.   
„Look at me, Rick. Look me in the eyes.“  
Patiently Negan waited for his command to be followed. Rick craned his neck and looked up to Negan.  
„We can do this all day long if you d like. But i need to check up on Carl, i have a sanctuary to run and i need to nurse you back to health. So we can do this the easy way or the hard way.“  
He looked expectantly at Rick, as if he waited for an answer.  
„If you are good and do as you are told, i ll let Carl come up for an hour. Poor kid will be happy with a small reprieve from his solitary convinment. Right?“  
The man just nodded.  
„Rick…how about a thank you?“  
„Thank you.“ Somehow Rick wished his voice wouldnt shake so much. Negan held him in his arms through the night. Or at least he did until Rick fell asleep.


	3. 3. Family time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> struggeling and fighting together. Getting in each others hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my Readers and commentors.

„Morning, sunshine. Are you fucking hungry yet?“  
Ricks eyes didnt focus immediatly. His brain recognized the voice and he instinctly curled himself in.  
„Now, now, sunshine, no need to be afraid. You werent naughty. Yet. How about some breakfast for my Ricky-boy? Let daddy Negan treat you to breakfast in bed.“  
Rick closed his eyes again. „Dont talk to me like that, i m not your pet.“  
„You are what ever i fucking want you to be, Ricky. Be glad that you get breakfast, Carly-boy wont get anything.“  
„Then i dont want it either.“  
„Now, dont play the martyr, Rick. You are making me angry. And your boy will suffer the consequences when I m angry.“  
Rick sighed. „How can you expect me to eat anything when you are letting my boy starve in this very minute?“  
„The kid will be fine, i m sure as sundayprayers that the little shit is still asleep. How about i go and fetch Judy for you? Would that make you feel any better?“  
When the former deputy didnt answer, Negan just got up and went downstairs. 

Scrambled eggs on toast and a cup of tea. Judy was squirming in Negans arms.  
Rick tried to sit up. „Give me my baby! Give her here!“  
When Rick came into Judys field of vision, she smiled and reached out to him.  
„Your baby? Are you sure? Little angel doesnt look anything like you. Or her serial killer brother.“  
With a desperate look in his eyes, Rick tried to get up.   
„Now, now, Rick, stay the fuck in bed. Stay down. Thats a good boy. If you are good, i ll give her to you for a few minutes. But first you ll have to eat something for me. Right?“  
Defeated Rick just nodded obediently.

To Ricks astonishment Negan was actually great with kids. He talked softly, hummed a light tune and fed Judy a bottle.  
„Negan, do you have children yourself?“, Rick asked timidly.  
„Me? Fuck, no, why would you ask me something like that?“  
„I m sorry.“  
„You better be. Now, how much did you eat allready?“ He looked at the plate.  
„You are not expecting a reward for two bites, are you, Rick?“  
The man didnt answer, his gaze was fixed on the baby in Negans arms.  
„Now, Ricky-boy, dont be difficult. We are playing a game, would you like that? One gulp of milk for Judy, one bite of bread for you. Sounds fun?“  
Normally Rick would have berated Negan for such a a childish idea. But it was better to keep the villain happy, especially when he was holding Judith.  
Obediently he took a bite, then another and another. He didnt want the man to stop feeding the baby.  
After five minutes the toast was gone. Judith was still suckling but thankfully Negan didnt take the bottle away from her.  
When she was finished Negan put the baby on the floor, Judy busied herself with playing with Ricks socks.  
Negan leaned in and wiped at the corner of Ricks mouth. Scared, Rick flinched.   
„What?“  
„You have breadcurmbs there.“  
„Gods, what are you, my father?“ The sheriff sighed in frustration.  
Negan grinned broadly. „Well, lets say, evil stepfather, right?“  
Defeated, Rick nodded. „Thats more like it, yeah.“  
„Now, are you in pain? No? Do you want me to fetch Carl for half an hour?“

The saviour marched the boy in, holding him by the scruff of his neck. He shoved Carl onto the bed, Carl hit his knee.   
Negan bussied himself with picking Judith up.   
„Dont try anything funny.“  
Blinking, Ricks son got used to the light again.  
„Dad, how are you? Did he…“  
„Everything is fine, Carl. May I hug him?“ The question was directed at the saviour.  
„Good boy for asking first. Go ahead.“  
And then Rick made the mistake of trying to sneak Carl a crust of bread he had left behind.  
„Aaa, what did you give him there?! Hand it over!“ Both son and father froze in shock.  
„I said hand it over! How long do you think i ll be waiting for it?!“  
Reluctantly Carl gave the bite of food up.  
„Tsss… Great present, really. Like for a horse or a donkey. I hope you are proud of yourself Rick, you just managed to get your son an extra day of no food.“  
Maybe it was a good thing that Negan couldnt make out a single word of the shitstorm that rained down on him from both father and son.  
When Carl finally was quiet, he heard Rick whisper: „Please…you can do it to me…it was my fault, not his…please dont …dont punish him for my sin… you can do it to me…please..“  
„Shut up, Grimes, both of you.“  
Patiently Negan waited for Rick to calm himself down a bit.   
„Listen here, Ricky-pricky. You are hurt. You are on the mend. If i starve you, it will take even longer. You understand that, dont you? And your little serial killer here has to learn the rules.“  
„Please… he was a few minutes late, its not like he tried to kill anyone…“  
„You really wanna go there and remind me of his bullshit?“  
A night ago, Carl had wished for his father to come back. Now he wished his father far far away, anywhere where Negan couldnt hurt him.  
„Little serial killer, come here. Free time is up. Time to lock you back up. If your daddy is really, really good, I have a suprise for you later.“  
Rick hid his face in the pillow and started crying.

The day was hot. Carl rested apathetic on the floor of the closet. Allthough Negan had left him with specific instructions on how to kneel in the center of the closet, but Carl was too weak for that allready.

Judith Grimes was the first baby to be considered for sainthood. At least thats what Negan thought. He had never seen a new born who was as well behaved and quiet as little Judy. She made no fuss, when he picked her up or when he sat her down. Her patience was astonishing.

Throughout the day, Rick made a turn for the worse. He wouldnt eat, he wouldnt drink, and it seemed like sleep couldnt find him. He just stayed in bed and didnt move an inch.  
Negan was beside himself with rage. „Are you really fucking blackmailing me, Grimes?!“  
„Give Carl something to eat and to drink and I will do the same.“

At eight o clock in the evening, Negan opened the door of Carls closet.  
„You got anything to say to me?“  
It was beyond Negan how Carl could still keep himself on his knees. The air in the closet was thick, overwhelmingly hot and humid. The boy should have fainted hours ago. He was pale like a ghost.  
„I m sorry for being late?“  
They looked at each other: The saviour and the boy. Negan standing over Carl, Carl hunched over and beside himself from exhaustion, hunger and dehydration.  
It felt like floating, when Negan carried him in his fathers bedroom. Rick said something but Carl couldnt make out the words. Negan sat down in a chair, placed him in his lap and nudged something against his lips.  
He was feeding him with…Judys babybottle?  
„I said nothing to eat. Well, you will have to do with something to drink then. So, drink. Slowly, thats a good boy. Start suckling. See, thats better, isnt it? Slowly, slowly, dont want to upset your stomach.“  
The suckling calmed Carl down. He felt a little of his strength coming back. It still didnt make any sense why Negan would treat him like Judith, but as long as he got something in his stomach Carl didnt mind too much. It was cows milk, by the way.  
Negan was smiling down on him.  
„Do you want to rest a bit, next to daddy dearest?“ Eagerly Carl nodded.

Slowly and gently Negan rocked Judith in his arms. Rick had sat up in bed and didnt take his eyes of the saviour. Carl was curled up next to Rick, fast asleep. Negans gaze held some sadness.   
„You are so lucky to have these two, do you even know that Rick? I envy you, Rick. I really do. Half a year ago, before we met, the sanctuary was hit with a horrible disease. They used to call it the English sweating sickness. Damn, stuff was supposed to be extinct! It mostly effected the young. Hell, it got a quarter of us killed.When it was over, none of our young was alive anymore.“  
Eyes closed, the saviour fought against the mental images that came up.   
„At first we wanted to burn them all. But their parents were about to riot. I couldnt deny them a place to grief. Dwight and me, we were both shaking with fever, but we have had it for over three days and we did make it. We dug graves around the clock.“  
Rick suddenly remembered that Jesus had reported back from the sanctuary that there were never any children around. And the next moment a horrible presentiment of danger hit Rick: „P..p..p..please dont…please dont…“ His breath got stuck in his throat and he couldnt go on.  
„Please dont what, Rick?“ Negan looked down on him sternly.  
Rick flinched away, lowered his ganze and hung his head. The words wouldnt come out. His chin was tilted upwards, non too gently.   
„Speak when you are spoken to Rick, i dont like to repeat myself.“  
Patiently the saviour waited for two minutes, when Rick didnt answer immediatly he delievered a few hard smacks to the tighs of his patient. Rick sobbed in his pillow.  
„I am waiting, Rick.“  
Carl stirred in his sleep.   
„Easy, Rick, we dont want to wake up the little serial killer, now, dont we?“  
„Please dont take them away from me, i beg you! Anything but that! Please let them stay here with me.“  
Interested Negan tilted his head. „You know what Rick, you ve got the most amazing ideas in this fucked up head of yours. Hell, I would have never even come up with this. What a brilliant idea. I could just snatch your two kiddies and raise them as my own. At least little angel here will never know the difference, right?“  
Negan bathed in Ricks tears.  
„Little serial killer will loose his mind after a while, it is my best guess. But i can deal with that. Kid needs a firm hand, something you cant provide. I think…“  
Nobody had ever found fault in Negans reflexes. When Rick started to violently vomit, he allready had the wastpaperbasket ready.  
Carl woke up to the retching. „Dad? Wait i ll bring you a glass of water…“  
„Good boy, Carl“, Negan said more to himself than to Carl.  
„Now“, Negan cleared his throat. „Calm the fuck down again Rick. Look, I was just messing around. It was just a quip. Not serious.“  
„Here you go, dad.“ Carl entered the room and handed the glass of water over. 

After the boy had curled up again Rick asked softly: „Did you have children, Negan?“  
„And why on earth would you ask something as stupid as that?“ The saviour looked amused, not angry.  
„I…I m sorry…“ Rick tried to force his tears away. Needless to say that it didnt work.  
Almost shyly Negan started to play with Ricks curls.   
„I love your hair, have I ever told you that?  
„No, sir.“  
„Good boy, Ricky. You know, maybe Carl can help me with washing you tomorrow. Cant have you getting sicker than you allready are.“  
„Can do it myself.“  
„What is it with you Grimes-boys and the fucking contradicting all the time?“ Negan bussied himself again with combing through Ricks hair.  
„And to answer your question, no I didnt have children. When I was finally ready for some, Lucille got sick. And my wives now seem to be as fertile as the fucking desert.“  
Both men were quiet for a few minutes.  
„Time to give little serial killer some more to drink. Carl! Wakey, wakey!“ While the boy came back to the land of the awake, Negan fetched some milk from the kitchen.  
„I want a glas…You are mistaking me for Judith…“  
„One more word out of your mouth and you are getting nothing! Thats what I get for showing you mercy? Well excuse the shit out of my god damn italien, sorry sir, it wont happen again then!“  
Rick was quick to apologize in the name of his son. It was quite obvious that he couldnt see his son going hungry.  
A look was exchanged between father and son, then Carl opened his mouth obediently and took the nozzle of the bottle between his teeth. He didnt avert his ganze from Negans face. The saviour smiled. „Good boy, Carl. See, that wasnt so fucking difficult now, was it? Remeber you have to drink slowly, dont want you getting sick.“  
With a closed eye Carl swallowed the humiliation down with the milk.  
Keep calm, he said to himself, thats exactly what he wants, to get under your skin. And if you wont allow him that he has nothing to hold over you. And besides that, the milk was delicious.  
Rick couldnt bare to look at them.  
A small whining noise was heard from Carl. Negan grinned down on him.   
„Nearly all done. Are you feeling better?“ The boy nodded.  
„What do we say?“  
Hesitantly Carl pressed his lips to the back of Negans hand. „Thank you, sir.“  
Negans face light up in a huge smile: „Such a good boy, Carl. Now you only need to finish your time in the closet and you are officially out of trouble.“  
Softly chuckling the saviour brought Ricks children downstairs.   
„Do you have to humiliate him like this?“ Rick asked softly, when he came back up.  
„No, i dont, but it is more fun like this.“  
„You are an asshole.“  
„Thanks for the compliment, I know, cool isnt it?“ The man was laughing, allmost cheerie. „So. I ll be back in the evening, with our doctor. I want someone to have a look at you, Rick. Until then, cherio.“


	4. Cinderella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Entertaining a locked up kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and thank you for the comments. Enjoy

Before he left the house, he stopped by at Carls closet.   
„Thought you might get bored in here with little Judy. So i thought you d like a little fairytale. How about that of…Cinderella.“   
In the next moment the floor of the dimmly lit cupboard was littered with yellow corn and green lentils. Carl managed to scoop Judith up just in time, before every inch of the floor was covered in the dried vegetables.  
Negan crouched down infront of Carl.   
„When i come back tonight, i dont want to see a single piece of those here on the floor. Got it? Corn in the right plate, lentils in the left. What do we say?“  
„Yes Negan. Thank you Negan.“ Carl gritted his teeth.  
„Good boy. See? Thats what I m talking about, you are getting there, I can feel that. Now, do you want little Angel here to keep you company?“  
The boy bit his lip. „She could try to take some into her mouth. Could you bring her up to my dad, sir?“  
„Sure thing. Now, since you were so good right now, i thought something to drink would be in order. Come here.“  
Carl thought about fighting against the humiliating treatment. But then he gave in just like that. His head rested against Negans shoulder, the saviour had an arm securely wrapped around him and he was nudging the noozle of the bottle against Carls mouth.  
Better than nothing to drink at all. And the saviour seemed to like to play baby with him. As if Judith wasnt enough allready.  
Negan was playing with his hair again. Maybe this guy had a hair fetish or something.   
„Good boy, Carl. Sowly, sowly.“  
Carl let go of the bottle. „Thank you sir. Please, sir, when I am ready with…playing Cinderella, will you let me out of here?“  
Smiling the saviour petted Carls cheek. „We ll see about that, wont we? Well, I need to get going, see you tonight. Remeber, not a single piece of those left on the floor, got it? Or else…“

Hours later, Carl hadnt heard his father talking to himself for quite a while, so he just imagined he was sleeping. Judy was quiet aswell.   
Thinking about his father, Carl smiled. He had been talking louder than usual, just so Carl had the illusion of company. He hadnt been talking anything important, just jabber for Judith. Then he had been humming a tune to calm the baby.

The air in the cupboard got hotter and hotter. Carl cursed the saviour and the darkness. And from minute to minute his fear grew about what Negan might do, if he couldnt finish his assignement in time.  
He woke from his wondering thoughts when he heard the front door opening. „Hello?“  
Jesus from Hilltop!  
„Paul! Its Carl! Im in here! Please can you go up and look after my father?“  
„Were you locked in there? Wait a second i ll get you out…“  
„No, no, no…Negan will know if someone messes with he lock!“  
„Negan, huh? Well he wont know about…that!“ And just like that he had unscrewed the door hinge.  
„What the hell are you doing, you will ruin your one good eye! It is far too bleak in here! …Did HE order you to do that?“ Jesus looked concerned and worried.  
„Of course he did. Please…do you have anything to eat or drink?“  
The supply-runner handed Carl his canteen. „Here, I have some cookies too. If i had known you were in here, starving, I would have kept the stuff i brought from the Hilltop. Now its allready with Olivia. Did he hurt you?“  
Carl emptied the bottle in one go and hoped he wouldnt throw up.  
„What is that supposed to be? Are you playing Cinderella?“  
A one eyed look shut Paul up for a second.   
„That was his idea, huh? May I help you?“ Jesus didnt wait for an invitation, he just started picking up some of the corn.   
„You know, he does that with us at Hilltop too, on occasion. When he thinks our kids have too much freetime.“  
Carl sighed. „We wont make it, not even in a weeks time. Thats just too much.“  
„Thats his game. I think he sets us up for failure. Could well be, right? Whats the matter with your dad?“  
„He fainted yesterday and is kind of …out of it at the moment.“  
With he help of Paul Carl finished Negans punishment in two hours. Paul rearranged the door and went on his way, promising to be back later.

Negan came back with Dwight in tow. Dwight seemed to be in a bad mood somehow. Him and Negan were talking lowely, Dwight was hissing all the time.  
Carl sat in the kitchen with Judy and fed her applesauce. The baby played with the familyfoto.  
„Thats mum. Mum. Say Mum. Isnt so difficult. Well, maybe a bit more difficult than dad.“  
„Dadadadad…“ Judith jabbered.  
„Very good, Judy. Dad will be so proud of you. Carefull with the foto, Judy.“  
Dwight was rummaging through the kitchen cupboards. „Damn, instant coffee! Shit I love this stuff. Mine now. Thats a cool thermo-cup, by the way.“ He was studying the red and yellow cup, that once had beloged to Lori.   
Carl gritted his teeths, didnt look at Dwight and said: „Put. it. back. Thats. not. yours.“ Why in hell would this haggard man even need a coffee-cup? Sure enough a sip of coffee would give him an instant heart attack.  
„What the hell is going on here?“ Negan interferred.   
„The brat is being bossy.“  
„That cup belonged to my mother!“  
Dwight rolled his eyes. „Yes. And she is dead.“   
And at that Carl lost it. „I ll tear out every last one of your greasy hairs!“ He flung himself at Dwight. Dwight screetched, tripped and Carl landed on top of him. It was chaos pure. Dwight rolled Carl to the side, got up and tried to bring some distance between him and the raging teenager.  
Carl raised his fists. And then everything went too quickly.   
Dwight snatched the photo out of baby Judiths hands and held his pocket lighter next to it: „Stay BACK or help me god…“  
„No, Dwight! Put it down!“  
„I m warning you…“  
„PUT IT DOWN!“ Carl was beside himself with panic.  
Now Negan interferred. „You can make a choice Carl. The god damn coffe cup or the last picture of your mother. But…just to get this straight: Neither will save you from my belt tonight!“  
Carl could have slapt himself for his temper. Not only had he gotten himself into trouble again, he had also unnecessarily endangered Judith.  
He hung his head and handed the cup to Negan. The man grinned and patted Dwight on the back. The lighter in his hand shoke. And in the next moment, the old photo light up in flames.  
Carl heared himself screaming and Judith crying. He picked the innocent victim of this fight up, craddled her to his chest and cried into her hair. He couldnt see Dwights hangdog expression. He couldnt hear the boots that stomped out the flames.

„That asshole! Antiseptic, bandages, band-aids. Anything else? Can i come in now?“  
„Just be quiet now, Paul, he will hear you. He is right outside the front door.“  
„He can be my guest. I ll give him a piece of my mind… Would you mind to let me see? Fuck me sideways and call me Jesus! Jesus Christ! Here, take the pain killers. Really, somebody should go and…“  
„Paul, dont…I kind of deserved it.“  
„What, why, did you burn the eggs?“  
„No. I beat up one of his generals.“  
Pauls face light up. „Really? Cool…“ Then he was interrupted by a loud „hrumph“ from Rick upstairs.  
„So sorry, mon capitaine, but I would have loved to see that. Saviours deserve it.“  
Carl shoke his head. „No. It was stupid. Ow…“

Rick coughed three times and Jesus was out of the window quicker than Carl could say thank you. He managed to pull up his blanket just in time and hide the bottle of antiseptic under his pillow, when Negan came into his cupboard.  
Carl was gratefull for Ricks good ears. He hadnt heared the saviour entering the house.  
„May may may, you look shitty, little Grimes.“  
Carl lowered his gaze submissivly. Its all a show. A show that will keep everyone alive. His father. Judy. Jesus. Himself.  
„I am all ears, Carl.“  
Think of Judith. Think of Judith. Think of…  
„ I didnt know what got into me, sir.“  
„Well, you seem to act a lot before you think it through. Bad habit that needs breaking.“  
Carl hung his head.  
„Now, let me inspect your punishment. Hm, you did well. Really great work, congrats to you, Carl.“ Negan got up and stepped to the window. „And fucking congrats to you too, Paul Rovia! Hands above your head and step out! Slowly! Really, boys, you think I m fucking stupid or something?“  
Carl thought for a moment he could hear Paul grit his teeth.  
„What is it with Hilltop and meddeling in Alexandrias affairs? Dont you have places to be, stuff to pillage for me, PEOPLE to mourn? I only have one word to say to you, Paul Rovia: Rory. Now get the hell out of here, before I find it necessary to drive home a lesson in obedience.“  
Pauls complexion had gone paler and paler.  
„Now get the fuck out of here, and no i dont fucking care that it is getting dark! Save fucking travels, Paul Rovia. Well, where was I? Oh yes. I need to find another punishment for you, Carly.“  
Before Negan could say or do anything else, something shattered upstairs.  
„This sheriff will drive me crazy one day! What the fuck is wrong with you now, Rick? Just you wait till I come find you! Really, you guys, living with you is like working in a god damn reformatory!“

Carl sat in the open cupboard door and changed Judys diaper. He wondered why nobody stopped by these days. Not Tara, not Olivia…maybe Negan had told them to stay away.  
He forced himself to humm „You are my sunshine“. At least that would dimm the noise from upstairs…

„No you dont get to see your kids tonight, you havent earned that and Carl has been naughty all day long. And you! What are these antics all about, huh? Making noise, interrupting me, breaking. fucking. dishes?! Do you think those grow on trees, Rick Grimes? Fuck, you really do? Did you really think that throwing things around would stop me? Hell, if you did, you ve got another thing coming, Grimes. Honestly, i feel like a freaking educator in a boarding school! Nothing but brats around! If I had wanted that I could have stayed in my fucking job back before the apocalypse! Now, care to explain what that little tantrum of yours was all about, Ricky?“  
Negan was standing above Rick, who had curled himelf in. He would have hid under the blanket, had Negan not allready taken that from him.  
„Speak. when. you. are. spoken. to!“ Six words, six swats to Ricks tighs. Rick whimpered, but didnt try to fight back.  
„ I m all ears, Rick?“  
„Wanted to protect Carl.“  
The older man laughed. „Right. Because you are doing such a marvallous job of it.“  
Negan just loved to see Rick squirm.   
„You have an incredibly sensitive throat, havent you?“ Negan bent down and started biting at Ricks neck. He was met with Ricks hissing. He grinned, let go and ran his fingers up and down Ricks throat. The man under him now started squirming and giggling.   
„You are ticklish! Isnt that the cutest thing ever? I ll have to keep that in mind. But for now, enough of that childish nonsens, time for your punishment.“

Negan got up and paraded up and down infront of Ricks restingplace.  
„You know, Rick, I can totally see why you view me as the villain in your story. I get it. Really. But did you think about that…without me being the villain you wouldnt be the hero. And in MY story its just the other way around. See, I wouldnt do the things I do, if I didnt believe them to be right. So I am telling a story where the only happy ending existing will be MINE. Shall I talk a bit slower until you have caught on or is this concept too difficult for you?!“  
Rick dared to object: „Good and evil doesnt exist anymore. What is good, what is evil? We have all done the worst kind of things just to stay alive.“  
„You know Rick, keep telling yourself that. YOU brought all of this on yourself. YOU had no business barging in on our deal with the Hilltop and the Kingdom! It was YOU who killed MY men first! While they were fucking SLEEPING!“  
Negan had talked himself into a rage.  
„You punished us for that allready.“  
„Doesnt mean I cant bring it up again! Well, i got a little carried away here. Now, to the offense at hand…You think you can protect Carl? Well, think. again. He is down there, locked up and beside himself with starvation. You are up here, handcuffed to the fucking bed. Tell me, Rick. How do you protect him? Tell me, I d love to know. Because I cant see it.“  
Rick lowered his gaze, his eyes heavy with unshed tears. And he remained silent.  
„Thought so.“ Negan grinned, got up and left the room.

„Enough of fresh air for you, boy, time to lock you back up. Look, I m really fucking generous here, dont you think a fucking thank you might be in order or is that too much to ask?“  
Carl retreated back into the corner of his cupboard. „Thank you sir.“  
„Good boy. Come here. You tired? How is your headache?“  
„I m hungry, Negan. I feel faint. Headache is still there.“  
Negan beckond the boy over. The baby bottle again. But this time there was only water in it. Carl hid his dissapointment, kissed the back of Negans hand and noozeled against his fingers. Again Negan nudged the bottle against Carls mouth.   
„Slowly, slowly. Good boy. If you keep this up, maybe we can start with a little oatmeal tomorrow. Nothing grande, dont want to spoil you and ruin all the hard work.“  
„Thank you, sir.“ Carl felt like a robot.  
Negan caressed Carls cheek. „You are much more pliant like this. So well behaved too. Rember to keep that up, right?“  
Carl suckled at the noozle of the bottle, dissapointed that there wasnt more water. An unhappy whining noise escaped him.  
Negan sighed: „I allready told your daddy dearest its like in a reformatory school in here. Well, in fact, it might be even worse, since you have no change at dropping out once you are eighteen, right? Some boys just never seem to learn. Right?“  
„If we are the inmates, does that make you the warden? May I have more water, please?“  
„Now see who is clever?“ Negan grinned like a cat which ate the cannary. „Of course you may.“

„Stewing in your own piss allready, Ricky-pricky? You know I ve been down with Carl, contemplating on what to do with you. A difficult decision.“  
Rick tried to sit up, for the hundreth time that day and furtile as usual. „Please…how is he? I beg you, give him something to eat and drink. His circiut will collapse…We dont have a doctor…“  
„Now look who suddenly came to his senses. Thought you d never ask. But dont you worry, Rick, I gave him something to drink allready. Who is a good stepdaddy? Hm?“  
Watching Rick shudder was worth all the effort. Negan tought he might laugh himself silly.

Sleep wouldnt find Carl that night. He tossed and turned around and couldnt manage an agreeable position for his flayed body. He couldnt hear anything from outside and the damn moon shone right through the window up high.  
Well not right now. A shadow covered it.   
„Pssst. Carl?“  
„Who is that?“  
„Silence, quiet, quiet, hush, do you want Negan to come downstairs?“  
Dwight. That was Dwight. What the hell…  
„Catch!“  
And just like that something hard hit carls thigh. Dwight ducked and Carl had the moonlight at his service.   
It was the familyfoto. Dwight had put it in a wooden frame with engravings. Now Carl could see that none of their faces had been touched by the flames. Just the edges were burnt.  
„I shouldnt have said that about your mother. I am sorry. That was heartless and mean. I brought you the cup back. Can you catch? If it falls, it will allert Negan.“  
„Thank you, Dwight. Thanks for the photo too. The frame is beautifull.“  
„ I made it myself. Had a thing for wood carving before the world went to shit. Glad you like it. Again, I really am sorry. Negan is rubbing off on me. I guess I m too weak to be good now. Anyway, I need to get going.“  
„Take care, Dwight. Dwight? Its not too late. You can still turn around.“  
The blond man laughed silently. „Sher…someone told me I am quick at forgetting. Tomorrow morning I might not even remember this meeting. Quiet, someones coming.“

The next moment the blond man was gone from the window and Negan opened the door. He was wearing those damn pyjamapants again.  
„Good evening, sir. Having trouble sleeping too?“ Carl asked politly.  
„No. Just thought I might keep you a bit of company. Solitary can be taxing on the nerves. I thought I heared you talking to your self again.“  
Carl felt himself blush. „Oh yes. Sorry about that.“  
Negan sat down, back resting at the door. „Judy and your dad are allready fast asleep. Your offer still standing with helping me wash your dad tomorrow?“  
Carl nodded.


	5. 5. Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> further stress and a new title for Negan

Rick was wobbly on his feet. Carl carried the heavy washing basin all by himself. The jar downstairs contained the hot water. Soap and two towels, then they were ready for getting Rick cleaned up.   
„I really dont see, why we would need his help, I can easily do it on my own. He will only make things embarissing“, Carl complained. „He is the one who got us into this mess. I ll be right back.“

The jar was heavy too. Carl was happy when he brought it up safely. Right when he had made his dad comfortable on the towel on the floor, he heard the stairs creak. He flinched violently. And because fate hated Carl Grimes, the jar slipped out of his hands and crashed on the floorboard.  
„What the fuck is going on up there again?! Cant i leave you pussies unsupervised for five fucking minutes?!“ Negan stormed up the stairs.  
Rick and Carl had their hands in the shards of the jar and inspected if the container was worth glueing.  
„Who of you did it?“ Negans voice sounded stern and cold.  
„Dont be mad, Negan, it was the jar that had cracks in it allready.“  
„Not my fucking question, Rick. Well?“ Softly Negan tilted Carls chin up and looked into his eye. When no one answered immedatly, Negan reached for his belt.  
Rick draw a deep breath: „It was me, Negan, i ask your forgiveness, it was an accident.“  
„Hm. Really, Rick havent we been through this dance the other day? What is it with you guys and wasting ressources, huh? Do you want to drink out of your cupped hand?“  
The Grimes boys cowered, like misbehaving children waiting for their stepfathers verdict.  
„Back at the sanctuary we have families who have one cup and one plate for five people. And you people here are just throwing around with this stuff!“  
Carl knew what the saviours would go looking for next on collectionday.  
„Carl, go downstairs and fetch a mug, will take longer, but your father here needs a bath.“ The saviour bussied himself with picking up the shards. He looked at one and turned it around in his hands. Then he touched Ricks ankle with it and gently drew up to Ricks knee.   
„You know, Rick, I believe it was Carl who carried the jar up here, right? Seems odd to me, that Carl is basically covered in water, while you are dry like a dessert. Well, shove me sideways and call me distrusting but I believe Carl dropped the jar. Or knocked it over or whatever. Carl. Not you. True?“  
Rick didnt answer. He just looked at the shard in Negans hand.  
„I wont be angry. Tell me.“  
Why did this man know everything?  
Negan rested the shard at the back of Ricks calv and pressed down lightly.  
„I wont punish him. Accidents happen. I thought that we had established a rule between us, Rick? You, me and only the truth, hm? I will find it out anyway.“  
In despair Rick hang his head. Had this man installed security cameras anywhere and Rick just couldnt see them? Why did he know EVERYTHING?  
„Now, I can see that this is hard for you, Rick.“ The saviour sat down beside him and drew the other man to his chest.  
„How about…I let it go and you owe me one later?“  
„Yes. Thank you.“  
Negan grinned like a wildcat. „Oh i like your anwer.“ He dropped the shard and reached for one towel. „I m not waiting for your son anymore, i dont know what the hell is taking him so long but the water will get cold again.“  
„Negan?“ Rick tried to sit up.  
„“Yes Rick?“ He dipped the towel into the water and lathered it with soap.  
„How did you know it was Carl?“  
„Oh I didnt. I bluffed.“

 

It was ten o clock at night. Rick was on his pile of blankets again, sipping a cup of tea. He could hear the saviour downstairs talking to his son.  
„You know, I dont mind if you never see the damn sun again or if you rot in here, but you have to pull yourself together. No more fucking bullshit. Your daddy needs you, your sister needs you and you are collecting trouble as if they were strawberries.“  
„Only because you are so god damn strict“, Carl mumbled.  
„What was that, i didnt quite catch that?!“  
„Nothing, sir. I m sorry sir.“  
„Thought so. Did hear you correctly then. So, how about you settle down for the night? You are so god damn restless, it will take hours till you are asleep. Judith stays with me and Rick tonight. No arguing! I m letting you off the hook tonight, but rest assured next time you mess up I ll come cashing in. Next time daddy wont be able to save you and it wont be over and done with a grounding or Cinderella play. Understood?“   
Carl nodded numbly and hung his head.  
„ Good night, Carl.“ The mendatory kiss to the forhead. Then Carl was alone in the dark again.

Rick strained his ears. What he heared almost set him off into a panic. The clincking of glas bottles on the table. A glas that was set down on the table.  
There were only two glas bottles in that house. Two bottles of red wine. Shit!  
Rick had been working in the police departement long enough to know that there were only four types of drunk people: the ones who got tired, the ones who got funny, the ones who got sad and the ones who got angry.   
Somehow Rick was lead to believe that Negan didnt belong to the first three types.  
Normally Rick had plenty of experience on how to deal with a drunk man, but he had no idea on what to do with a drunk lunatic armed with a barbed wire baseballbat. That he was still cuffed to the bed didnt help matters in the slightest.  
There was still the tiny hope that the man could hold his liquor and still be that what passed as normal for a man like Negan.  
It only took Negan an hour to finally come lumbered into the masterbedroom. Rick didnt take his eyes off him.   
As was expected by the wounded man, the villain was rambeling on and on and on. Did this person ever shut up?  
But what he was rambeling about, was rather interesting to Rick. As goes the saying, children and drunk people allways tell the truth.  
„God, I tell you, Rick, the last time I was this out of it was the day Lucille got diagnosed.“  
It took Rick a minute to notice that he wasnt talking about the bat.  
„Was she your girlfriend?“  
„Excuse me?“  
„Your wife?“  
„ Thats more like it!“  
Negan had settled down next to Rick. Slowly, not wanting to startle the other man, Rick reached over to the nighttable and got hold of his glas of water. He was gratefull, that the table was so close by.   
„Here. Have a sip“, he offered it to the man next to him.  
„God, Rick, what are you, my mother?“  
‚No, thank the lord for that,‘ Rick thought. „You need to stay hydrated“, he answered instead. He kept his voice calm and gentle.  
„Please, drink. Hm?“ Rick smiled softly but didnt let Negan out of his sight.  
Negan took the glass from him and downed it.  
„Thank you“, Rick recoilled immediatly when Negan slammed the glass down on the table.  
„It was hopeless, right from the start. They tortured her with chemotheraphy nontheless.“  
When Negan didnt keep talking immediatly, Rick answered with a quiet: „I m sorry.“  
Negan laughed. „Of course you are. You allways are. And i am as allways inclined to forgive you. Like I allways do. I tell you, some day i ll grow tired of forgiving you.“  
The man was rambeling nonsens. Rick nodded anyway.  
Negan tried to get up, which of course didnt work out. „Need to check in on my…our…your boy…“  
„No, no, no….he is…i am sure he is allright. We dont want to wake him, right?“ Now Ricks uneasyness had blown up in a full panic.  
„You…you cant leave me all alone here. And..I …I am hungry…there are cookies in the nightstand, will you give me some?“ Rick was tripping over his words in his hurry to keep the man by his side and away from his children.

When the man didnt react, Rick rammed his shoulder into the nightstande. The waterglass tipped and shattered on the floor.  
In a matter of seconds the man was over him and covered his bottom and tighs in spanks. „You…are so gonna pay for that Rick Grimes…“  
Rick didnt know where up and down was anymore, but he needed to keep the man by his side. He could take the pain. As long as Negan stayed clear off Lucille, he could deal with anything. Keep Carl and Judy out of this, that was his mantra through the pain.

The pain was taking his tool. Rick couldnt think of anything to do. Images from his job flared up before him. Cowering children infront of their raging, shouting fathers. Right before he couldnt take it anymore the words came out on instinct: „Please, daddy, please, please, please, please, please, stop it! You are hurting me! Please daddy, i ll be good, please…“  
He hadnt noticed that Negan had allready stopped at the second word.

They were both silent for a few moments.   
Slowly Rick remembered the word he had just said. Scared he looked up at Negan. He held his breath for a moment.  
Then Negan gently touched Ricks cheek. „Did I hurt you, baby? I m sorry. You know how carried away daddy can get with all this wine.“ He looked right through Rick as if he wasnt really there.   
Did he play along? Or was he imagining someone else in Ricks place? Or worse, was he acting on a memory?  
Rick just hoped it was all in Negans head and had never really occured. He did say he had never had any children of his own, right? Right?!  
Deep breath. On with the game.  
„Of course not daddy. You would never hurt me. You know that. I know that. You just get really loud when you…drink, daddy. And you…slapped me a few times. Here.“ Rick showed Negan. He felt childish and absurd, but the childish demenaor protected him. Negan didnt show any signs of violence.  
„Let me see, baby.“  
Rick wracked his brains on what to do or to say. His own father had never had a reason to raise a hand against him. He himself had never hit his own son.  
„Its okay, daddy. You didnt hurt me very much. And besides i was kinda naughty…“  
„You were?“ Negans tone got stern again. Shit…  
„I ll be good now, i promise, daddy. Please, let me out of the handcuffs for my nap?“  
Suddenly Negans face split in a grin and Rick thought for a second that the man had sobbered up.   
„Not on your life, Ricky. I know you like to play cops and robbers far too much. So be a good boy and sleep in the restraints. I ll go check on your little…brother, right?“  
Fuck!  
Quickly Rick put on a frown. „But daddyyy…you promised ME some cuddles…“ He hoped he sounded jealous enough. And it worked. Negan settled back down.  
„Now, now, now, my boy, what do we say about jelousy in my household?“  
Obviously Rick didnt have an answer for that. Well, Negan had one anyway.   
This time he got rid of Ricks trousers.  
„You, my naughty boy, will learn that there is no need to be jealous. This pain you feel when i am with Carl and not with you isnt real. Right? Well, THIS pain here will be very real.“ 

If Carl had been in the room he would have recognized the smell of the salve. Rick flinched from Negans touch, but it didnt help matters. The burning was annoying but not unbearable.  
Now Rick started begging, his voice strained with fright for his son.  
„Please dont leave me alone, daddy…“  
Negan tilted his head up. „ Oh Rick. You will never be alone.“ It should have been an endearing promise. To Rick it sounded like a life long threat.  
He closed his eyes.   
That wasnt real.  
Of course he wasnst jealous of his own son.   
He just was so frightened for his safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading.


	6. Your curfew is midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan allows his "Cinderella" a night out. Hopefully he will be home before the clock strikes midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading and commenting

Carl was near fainting. His only thought was spiraling around water. Water, water, water, something to drink…  
He didnt fight when Negan opened the door. He didnt fight when Negan craddeled him in his arms. And he for sure didnt fight when he was bottlefed some water again.   
„You know, my boy, you have been so good lately, I think i might lighten up your punishment a bit. How would you like a nice nap next to your daddy and a nice bowl of soup, huh?“  
Carl nodded.  
„Thought so. Now. I ll take care of your sister- my my arent you a good little baby, yes you are- then I ll make you something to eat. You dont mind waiting in here, no? Thought so. Here, drink up. Slowly, good boy, Carl.“

It was a blessing that Judith was such a good sleeper. God knew what damage Negans pribble-prabble would have done to her young psyche.

Negan watched „his“ boys with a satisfied smirk. Rick clung to Carl as if he was flotsam and he himself was drowing.  
Judith rested her head against Negans shoulder. Rick whimpered. Grinning, Negan leaned down and gave Rick a few pats to the tighs.  
Rick curled in and the whimper got louder. Carl hissed and bared his teeth.  
„Do that again, little whelp and I ll pull them out one by one. Be good, like your…older brother.“ Negan enjoyed a whole-heartly laugh.   
„Now, for your soup, little serial killer. Come here.“  
„Can eat it myself…“  
„Not what i asked. I said come here“, came the stern respond.  
When the boy didnt move instantly, Negan handed the baby to Rick. „One kid for the other. Come here, Carl.“  
Spoonfull by spoonfull Negan fed Carl. And he expected a thank you after every sip. Hadnt he been so dead-hungry Carl would have thrown that bowl into Negans face.  
„Still so god damn stubborn? We will have to extend your stay downstairs then.“ At that Negan was met with pleading from a totally worn down father, frustrated crying from Carl and whimpering from Judith, who sensed the negativity in the room.  
Carl ate spoonfull after spoonfull. He wrinkled his nose. „Negan, you smell like a liquor-store. Are you…drunk?“  
„Not enough, kid, not enough.“  
A meaningfull look was exchanged between son and father.  
Carl swallowed the last sip of soup. „Thank you, sir.“  
„Thats a good boy. See Carl? You are learning.“  
For a few minutes Carl tried to feel Negans mood. Then he just risked it: „Negan? May I go visit Enid at the Hilltop? Just…just for the day?“  
He realized what a stupid idea that had been, when the words were out of his mouth. He expected the saviour to get angry, but he didnt.  
„Thats actually not a bad idea. Take your sister with you, I hear they have some amazing self-made babyfood. Will do her a world of good. I will organize an escort.“  
„That wont be necessary…“  
„Necessary is what i say it is! What is it with you and the damn contradicting all the time? Is the cheeky scout from yesterday still around? He could acompany you.“  
„Jesus?“

Of course Paul Rovia had been disobedient to a fault and didnt go home in the darkness. He had stayed with Aaron and Eric.  
„You think Negan has a thing for Rick?“ Aaron asked.  
„How did you come up with THAT?“, Eric asked his partner.   
„Oh, please, he is out right drooling over him everytime they meet.“  
„You sure thats not some kind of fucked up power play? As far as we know, Negan might not even be into men. He has this harem of wives at his sanctuary. Sounds pretty straight to me“, Jesus stated and was just about to down a fork of salad when a saviour knocked their door down.   
„Paul Rovia?“  
„Present?“  
„Come along. Negan has a job for you.“

Negan handed Carl a filled waterbottle.  
„Your curfew is tomorrow midnight, Cinderella. Dont be late.“ The saviour was grinning like a cat which ate the cannary.  
„Thank you, stepfather.“ Carl couldnt bring himself to even smile.  
„Seriously, you guys dont have a sense of humor. Lighten up a bit, Grimes. You too, Rovia. Take good care of him, if you know whats good for you. And bring him back breathing and in one piece.“  
„Yes.“  
„What was that, didnt quite catch that?“ Negan intoned a bit louder.  
„Yes, sir.“ Paul gritted his teeth.

„Sorry for the trouble, Paul.“  
„No trouble at all. Will you let me carry little ass-kicker for a while?“ Paul took the baby from Carl.  
„I dont like the idea of leaving my dad alone with him.“  
„I think nobody likes this idea very much. Carl, be so kind as to reach into my backpack, there are a few granola bars in it.“  
Carl handed the bar over, Paul opened it and handed it back. „Eat. You look on the verge of a collaps. Is he denying you food?“  
Carl didnt answer.   
„Sounds like something he might do. That scumbag. Someone should finish him off allready.“  
„I dont know if thats the answer anymore. Or if it would even solve the problem.“  
„You hack off the head of the snake, the snake dies. The saviours are nothing without Negan. Just an ordinary group of survivors. Just like we are.“  
Carl was quiet for a moment. „That sounds scary. I mean, to think about it. They are just ordinary people, trying to get by. They arent doing it right, I mean, but at the end of the day, thats all they are doing.“  
„Are you defending them now? Good father up above, are you suffering from Stockholm syndrom?“  
„Bless you?“ Carl looked confused.  
„I m sorry, i allways forget you didnt get a highschool education. Thats the identification of the victim with the abuser. Easier: You are Negans hostage. Dont look at me like that, you totally are. He uses you to get your dad to do certain things. You spend an awfull lot of time with this…man. You start to view some of his opinions as your own. And thats perfectly normal, because you have to stay in his good graces, to survive. You wouldnt quarrel with him, because that could put your safety in danger.“  
Carl furrowed his brows.  
„It isnt your fault, Carl. It is his.“  
The boy didnt want to think about it anymore. „Do you have anything else to eat?“  
„One last granola bar. But look. We are allmost there.“

„Good evening, sunshine. You sure do sleep a lot, Ricky. No, no, no, daddy isnt angry. Its good for you. Will get you on the mend in no time, you ll see. Now, how about something to eat… I made us some scrambled eggs.“  
Rick tried to sit up. Unsucessfully.  
„I allready told you, i will not eat anything you give me, unless you give Carl some of it too.“ Slowly and over-clearly pronounced Rick talked to Negan, as if he was talking to a toddler or to a person with low intelligence.  
Negan starred Rick down. Sometime ago, Rick would have praised himself for winning staring-contests. But not this one. Not anymore.  
„Now, now eating is not open for negotiation or discussion. Open up for daddy.“  
Involtarily, Rick flinched. How much did the saviour really remember about last night?  
Negans grin turned from cheeky to shit eating. „Be a good boy now, will you?“ The grin disappeared. „You will, if you know whats good for you.“  
„Please, give Carl something too. Please, daddy“, Rick clutched to the word as if it was his lifesaver.  
„I truly am sorry, sweetheart. I cant.“  
Something was wrong with his breathing. Grey, black and white dots were dancing infront of his eyes.  
„Calm down, Rick.“  
His chest was feeling to tight. His child would die in the cupboard downstairs. The dots were coming closer.  
„Rick!“  
Some serious, aching swats to his tighs later Rick could focus on Negan again.   
„Im sorry for freaking, daddy.“  
„Such a good boy, Rick. Of course you are. You should be.“  
The dots were gone.  
„You didnt let me finish, baby. I cant give Carl anything to eat, because Carl isnt here anymore.“  
Ricks breathing became shallow. His skin became too tight for his body. This couldnt be real. This couldnt be happening. His son was gone? And he hadnt even been able to say good bye?  
Blind despair ripped Rick apart from the inside out. He was screaming and couldnt hear a sound. He tugged, jerked and wrenched at his restraints until he was bleeding. He was crying and couldnt feel the tears. He was numb.  
„ If I let you out of those now you will kill me with your bare hands, wont you?“  
In the next moment everything hurt inside, like he was standing on a pyre, was crashed under stones and his limbs broken on the rack. Before he could come up with any other torture instruments of the middleages, Negan released him from the handcuffs.  
„Go ahead.“  
Oh, how he wanted to! To take down this man who had burned down his world and had left him with the less than the ashes.

But in the end, all Rick could do was to beat his fist against Negans chest once and to scrambled down at Negans feet. He was shaking, crying, screaming in agony.  
And suddenly there were Negans hands, which tilted up his chin and he had to look the man in the eyes.   
„You didnt let me finish again, boy. Carl isnt here anymore, because he went on a little fieldtrip with Jesus from Hilltop. They will stay at Hilltop for a day. Judy is with them too. And i got word from a man of mine there, that they arrived safe and soundly an hour ago. See? No need for your hysterics here.“  
That son of a bitch!  
„Now, I believe you were trying to raise your hand against me, my boy?“ Negan stated calmly.  
Rick flinched, recoilled and made himself as small as possible. „I m sorry, daddy, I was upset.“  
„Yes, upset over nothing. You, my boy, need to listen to daddy first and act later. We will have to work on that.“  
„Please, I m sorry, daddy, you scared me.“ Rick was breathless, he felt cold, the panic calmed down, he wanted to vomit. Badly.  
Laughing softly Negan stroked Ricks hair: „You are so easily scared, Ricky, my boy.“  
Now Rick truly was upset. Tears became visible in his eyes. And Negan didnt take kindly to them.  
„Really my boy, if you needed something to cry about you could have just told me, you know?“  
Somehow Rick wished the numbness back.  
Every thought about fight had left the former sheriff. It was useless anyway. He was restrained to a bedpost again and would very likely have to stay there and his worst enemy was playing mind games.  
Negan gave him water to drink.  
„Now, we have two misconducts to adress I believe. You, thinking you can fight me and you needing something to cry about. Right?“  
Everything in Ricks head was mush. He wracked his brain for anything to say. What would Carl do in a situation like this? Rick tried to remember a moment where he had been about to beat his son. He couldnt come up with one.  
Wouldnt Carl beg him to be spared?  
A faint smile appeared on Ricks face. Not now, maybe, not anymore. Carl would gritt his teeth, tell him he was insane, that he himself was almost grown up and that he certainly didnt need something as childish as a spanking.  
But somehow Rick had the feeling that this wouldnt work for Negan. He could imagine that Negan wouldnt take kindly to begging.  
Maybe he should just grit his teeth and bear it. How bad could it get? As long as Lucille wasnt around… And perheaps the man was a bit more docil when he was pliant.  
„Right, daddy. I m sorry. I wont do it again.“  
„Of course you wont, Ricky. Now, Ricky, you know the rules around here?“  
Of course I dont, you maniac, you didnt tell me!   
Somehow Rick forced himself to think. Take a guess, maybe he will correct it, maybe it will be right. Think like Negan. What would I want, if I was this maniac? Everything will be fine.  
„C..c..counting the lashes and saying thank you?“ That was the only thing he could come up with.  
„See, thats my good boy. Dont hold back, my boy. I know it must hurt like a bitch.“  
Damn well it did, but Rick had worse.  
The first three spanks had caught him by suprise. As Negan went on and on Rick fought for breath. God on high, this man was strong!  
Above him, Negan chuckled. „You and Carl are really very much alike. Just like him you are taking that well. Very obedient. No struggling, no trying to get up. But the other thing that both of you seem to be noticably lacking IS. THE. FUCKING. COUNTING! What? You didnt learn that in your fucking police acadamy, sheriff?“  
„Deputy. ARGH!“  
„You were saying, boy?“ Negans voice sounded dangerously deep.  
„Please forgive me, daddy, i forgot. Four, sir, thank you.“  
It was a miracle that Negan didnt choke on his own laughter. „Like father, like son, it is unbelievable. Now, now, my boy, where do we start counting, huh?“

„Maggie!“  
Carl carefully wrapped his arms around her. She looked so fragile, like a porcellain doll.  
„Are you allright? Did anything happen? Why are you here…and with Judith?! Did Rick send you? is he…“  
„I just needed to bring Judy to safety. I just needed to bring Judy to safety. I just needed to bring Judy to safety…“ Like a broken record, Carl repeated his mantra. He couldnt even stand straight anymore.  
The supply-runner hung his head. „Come on, lets gt you inside, buddy. You need a bread with butter and a bed.“

Rick had allways thought that the beautifull, fun sides of being a father appealed to him the most. Like playing with his son, be it cops and robbers, socker or a board game or doing something creative together, like building a tree house.  
Or reading a book together with Carl or even just cuddling on the couch, before the movie of the evening would start.  
So it bothered Rick deeply that the man in charge of him couldnt find in within himself to show even a single streak of a gentle, caring side.  
„What is it with this frown on your face, Ricky?“  
What was it with this „Ricky-calling“ anyway? No one had ever called him „Ricky“. Rick in itself was a nickname allready, wasnt that enough?  
Maybe Negan just wanted to belittle him, keep him small. That would go with the play. That made sense.   
Once again Rick swallowed his frustration and anger, wiped a hand over his mouth and relaxed his features.  
„Thats more like it, boy.“   
With each empahsis on this one word, Rick flinched. He wondered at what age Negan imagined him. Thirteen, fourteen, like Carl? Nine, ten? Heaven forbid, younger?!  
Get a grip, man. Negan had yet to do anything even approximatley sexual, counting out the spanking.  
The thought arose to just ask Negan. Couldnt be too difficult. „Daddy, remind me again, how old was I at my last birthday?“ No, that sounded too stupid, even when Rick was still rolling it around in his mouth.  
„What troubles you, baby, hm? Tell daddy?“  
Rick couldnt find the words. It was all too confusing.  
„Ricky, daddy is waiting.“ There it was again, this horribly stern voice.  
And on instinct again Rick just burst into tears.  
That made sense to him. Carl allways got horribly upset when he even just sensed the possibility of Rick being cross with him.  
Somehow Rick had expected Negan to lash out at him, to get mad, to tell him to shut up. But the older man took him into his arms and held him close.  
„What got you so upset, Ricky? Was it something daddy said?“  
„I…I..dont know…daddy… please dont be angry with me.“  
„Now i have the feeling that my babyboy is telling lies. Tell me whats up, Ricky.“  
„Please, daddy, I m scared.“ Rick didnt know what was wrong with him. He sounded like a damn toddler.  
Take a deep breath and get back into your damn grown up pants. You arent really nine or ten years old. This is just absurd.  
„You can relax, baby. Daddy is here. Daddy will keep you safe. Thats daddies responsibilty, not yours, baby. You can let go. You dont have to carry the whole world on your shoulders. I ll do that.“  
It sounded so tempting. Being allowed to let go. Let Negan take over for a while.Too good to be true… True…That wasnt true…  
With all his might Rick clung to anything that would keep him in reality, that would give him a sense of self.  
Another deep breath: „Please, daddy, I dont remember how old I am…“  
Negan looked caught off guard for a second, but quickly he turned back into his controlling, confident self.  
„Is that so important to you, darling?“ Maybe Negan didnt know himself?  
At least he was no baby or small toddler like Judith. At least that was what Rick thought. He was allowed to speak, form full sentences after all, right?   
Another deep breath and a shake of the head.  
„Now, sweetheart, are you hungry?“   
Eagerly Rick nodded. That was a clue on how to know his age. When Negan allowed him to eat alone he must have been well over one year old.  
„Are you still in pain, Ricky?“  
„No, sir.“ Rick didnt look at Negan and slipped up.   
Negans smirk shettered a few of Ricks nerves. „Liar, liar, pants. on. fire. You only call me sir, when you are in trouble. Are you in trouble, young man?“  
Whining and whimpering Rick recoiled from the three stinging swats to his bottom. Then he nodded.  
„Well, then we cant have you sitting downstairs, can we? Wouldnt be at all pleasant after all, right?“  
He could stay here, in bed. Why Negan would make such a fuss about it, was beyond Rick.  
„Be good, and rest, i ll bring you your food.“ A kiss to the cheek and Rick was alone again.  
It felt strange, being pampered like a first grader who had come down with the stomachflu. Pampered like a little prince.   
Rick wasnt used to that. Being a leader oft he Alexandria safe zone meant pampering everybody else first. Then there was nothing for a long time. And then somewhere at the end of the end was Rick Grimes then. Allways the last in bed. Allways the last to eat. Allways the first up in the morning. Allways the first in line for supply runs.  
Rick wasnt used to somebody putting him first anymore.  
Negan was treating him like an over-the-top-strict father would a child. Child…  
„Negan!“ Panic flooded Ricks system. Lori would have slapped him, or worse, not even looked at him. How could he have forgotten about his children?!  
„NEGAN!“  
Suddenly the saviour stood over him, like he had just grown out of the concrete like a tree out of the soil.  
„You better have a good reason to scream around here like a maniac.“  
„Where is Carl?! Judith?! Have they arrived at the Hilltop?! Has anybody heared back from Paul Rovia?! My children, I have to…“  
Negan watched the raging man struggeling against the handcuff for a minute. Then he bent down and held Rick tightly.   
„You, my boy, dont have to do anything. Except stay here in bed and do as you are told. If you want I can make a call to the Hilltop to make sure your kids are safe. Would you like that?  
But Rick couldnt calm down, he bucked and struggled against the restraints until he was bleeding again.   
„What is it with you and hurting yourself, my boy?“  
Rick wanted to spit something spitefull like „Nothing, that is your job“, but he couldnt bring himself to do it.  
Negan tugged handkerchiefs around Ricks wrists and left the room. 

His voice was so gruff he almost felt sorry for the innocent person on the other side of the walkie talkie. But only almost.  
„Get me in touch with Paul Rovia this instant, if you know whats good for you!“  
It took the scout seven minutes to answer the walkie talkie. At minute six Negan had given up on denying that he was worried and at minute seven he just exploded:   
„Paul Rovia speaking? Rick?“  
„No! It is not motherfucking Rick! I hope, for your sake, Rovia, that you were caught up in a herd of walkers and that YOUR time was running out! Because that is the only apology and excuse I might let pass at this moment!“  
„I m fine, thank you sir, how are you doing?“  
The audaciousness of it! Negan took a deep breath and kept himself from throwing the walkie talkie against the next wall.  
„The boy and the baby! Are they okay?! Whats wrong with you, you temporary staff of a Jesus?! What on earth were you doing, Rovia, planning a picknick on the way?!“  
„We had to make a few stops on the way. Travelling with a baby isnt easy.“  
„Give the walkie talkie to Carl Grimes.“  
Swooshing. Then Negan could hear the tired voice of the teenager. „Dad?“  
„Make it step-dad and i ll let it pass.“  
„Negan,“ The boy greeted him. His voice sounded tired. „We have arrived.“  
„I figured that much. I would have expected more sense of responsibility from you, Carl. Your dad is worried sick.“ I am worried sick. But Negan didnt say that.   
„I m sorry, daddy…“ Instantly Carls voice sounded sad and aggrieved.  
Involuntarily Negan smiled. He knew that Carl didnt mean him, but it pleased him anyway.  
„You rest and eat. Take good care of Judith. Have fun with your little girlfriend. And Carl? Be. home. at. midnight. tomorrow. Remind that sorry excuse of a scout of that.“  
„Yes, sir.“  
„ Good boy.Good night, Carl.“ Negan smiled.  
„Good night, sir.“ Carl didnt. He could hear that in his voice.  
„Over and out.“


	7. It was only just a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Negan are in bed. What are they doing? Dreaming of course

„Open.“  
„I want to know..hrump…“  
„You eat your soup. Your body needs the energy.“  
„But I…“  
The sun on Negans face hid behind a thundercloud. „What did we say about contradicting, my boy?“  
Instantly Rick slipped back into his younger ego. Was more comfortable anyway.  
„I m sorry daddy, dont be angry, I m just so worried.“  
When Negan held out the next spoonfull, Rick obeyed without question.  
„Now, my boy, how can daddy make you happy, lighten your mood a bit, hm?“  
Rick didnt know what Negan wanted him to say, so he just shrugged.  
„Okay, Ricky, daddy will go downstairs and fetch something fun for us to do. Until daddy is back up here, you better have finished up your soup. Right?“  
When he had gotten a nod out of Rick, Negan left.

„Alexandria calling Hilltop.“  
Silence. Nothing. It was unbelieveable.  
„Alexandria calling Hilltop!“  
Negan checked the connection. Twice. What in hell was wrong with these people?  
„WHICH SLEEPY SLEEPYHEAD IS ON DUTY UP THERE?!“  
„Sorry, sorry, sorry, Jesus vom Hilltop speaking?“  
Deep breath. Those people are not worth it. Incompetence had a new name.   
„Good to hear you, Jesus from fucking Hilltop! Care to explain why you arent on your way to Alexandria with the children allready?“ Negans mood dropped into the cellar. Rick would be allready asleep when they came back.  
„You have to forgive me, we were caught up in innerpolitical troubles…“  
„Shall i send a team to fetch you or do you think you can still walk with your oh so troublesome INNERPOLITICAL FUCKING PROBLEMS?“ The saviours patience was wearing thinner and thinner. Incompetente fools, everywhere!  
„We will be on our way shortly.“  
„The curfew still is midnight. I dont care if you crash here or if you walk back there, but if the boy and the girl arent under this roof at 12 o clock tonight Carl will regret it! I dont care how many herds you have to outrun, how many hostile groups you will have to avoid, if you a are late Carl will be the one to regret it. Give Carl the walkie talkie.“  
The scout closed his eyes for a second and then passed the walkie talkie on.   
„Your curfew is still midnight, Cinderella. Enough dancing. Over and out.“  
Jesus sighed and grabbed an apple from the table. „Lets get on the raod, kids. God forbid the old man might be worried.“

„You have an eye for colours, my boy. Very pretty.“  
Rick looked up and pointed his crayon at Negan accusingly: „Daddy, you said you wouldnt look!“  
„I didnt look, my boy, i only saw the crayons you picked. And watch that tone with me, will you?“  
When Rick sported a pout, Negan seized him at the chin and looked him in the eyes.   
„Drop the attitude. Now. Or i ll drop it for you. Daddy was only complimenting you, baby.“  
A soothing hand pettetd Ricks neck. Rick turned his head and noozeled Negans wrist.   
„I m sorry.“  
„ ‚I m sorry‘ what?“  
„I m sorry, daddy.“  
„Thats more like it.“ Negan smiled. He enjoyed how comfortable the other man was around him now. Rick was resting on the comforter of the bed, only wearing a boxer shorts, a sketch block infront of him, simillar to the one Negan was holding on his lap.  
The sujet was „ a dream“. Negan had choosen it at random, the first word that had come to mind. And now his mind was stuck with the woman who haunted his nightmares.  
He saw Lucille standing before him, the sun caught in her raven hair, her eyes shining like a campfire.  
A tug on his sleeve brought him back from his thoughts.   
„Daddy? Are you allright? Whats wrong?“ Rick looked at him with worry.  
„Oh nothing, Ricky, everythings fine. Are you ready yet?“  
The leader of Alexandria nodded. Then he tilted his head to the side. „Daddy? Why would you lie to me? Nothing is fine.“  
„Thats what you get when you are into someone who works in the police department. Its like living with a fucking lie detector“, Negan thought.  
He took a deep breath and answered: „I just thought about someone from the past, thats all.“  
„Who was it, daddy?“, Rick asked.  
Negan closed his eyes for a moment. Rick didnt press on.   
„May I show you my picture, please?“  
„Please what?“ Negan corrected on an instinct and swatted Ricks uppertigh lightly.  
„Please, daddy. I m sorry.“  
The woman on Ricks picture was dressed in a white dress. Her face wasnt visible. She was standing in a garden of what looked like a prison.  
„You surley have a talent for drawing“, Negan commented.  
„Thank you, daddy.“ Rick whispered softly. „Can I see yours, please?“  
Tentativly Negan reached out and ran his fingers through Ricks curls. „Daddy cant draw as prettiely as you, my boy.“  
„Wanna see, please.“ Rick smiled so sweetly that Negan bent down and kissed his forehead.  
Negan wanted to tear the paper apart until it was nothing more than shreds. He couldnt draw to save a life. But then he showed Rick the picture.  
Lucille was standing infront of a ping-pong-table. Her dress was black. It was only a sketch, Negan hadnt even finished filling in the colours.  
Negans hand brushed the handle of the baseballbat by accident. And then everything just got too much.  
Rick closed the sketch blocks and cuddled against Negans chest. He kissed Negan on the cheek and gently stroked his tears away. Then he put his wrists back into the handcuffs and closed his eyes.  
„Dont worry, daddy. It was only just a dream.“  
Slowly, Negan nodded. Yes. It was only just a dream.

 

„It sure is getting dark early today, isnt it?“, Carl asked and craddled the sleeping Judith closer.  
„We have a torch and a storm lamp, just in case. Dont you worry. Here, Carl, have another granola-bar. You look so pale. Did Maggie treat you to some nice desert?“  
„Yes. She cant bake as good as Carol, but it was yummy anyway.“  
„Carol can get along with less than nothing. It is amazing. Did you try her beetroot- cookies?“  
Suddenly Carl stopped dead in his stracks. „Jesus…“  
„What is it?“ The supply-runner turned around.  
„Walkers!“

Rick had made a fuss about staying up and waiting for Carl. He had even refused dinner. Only the promise that Negan would wake him once his children were back and ten hard spanks to his bottom swayed him to do as he was told, which was to go to sleep. Alltough, Negan believed it was the ten spanks that did the trick.   
The former sheriff sure looked cute when he was sleeping. Innocent and gentle, he looked like an angel. It helped that his beard wasnt drenched in blood.  
Negan desperatly wanted to get rid of this beard. Hell, he couldnt even see Ricks face properly. Absentmindly he ran his fingers through Ricks hair. Rickys hair, he reminded himself.   
The man under him smiled in his sleep.  
Negans eyes got heavy. 

It had been a long day. And dawn was breaking allready. God, he was so tired. Working at the cars store, with the kids at the school later. Later, he would come home to her and watch her fading. Going to bed at eleven. And everything would start all over again.   
„Negan!“

„I m coming, Lucille! Lucille…“  
Frantically Negan looked around. But she wasnt there. Of course not.   
Afterall, it was only just a dream. When had he fallen asleep? What time was it? Ten minutes after midnight…Rick was fast asleep. He hadnt even stirred when Negan woke up so abruptly. It was quiet in the house…  
Hold up! Ten minutes after midnight?!  
Negan got out of bed and checked the rooms next to the masterbedroom and the rooms downstairs. When he got a hold of the walkie talkie he tried to tell himself that it was rage that made him hiss commands to people at Hilltop. It was rage. Right? Not worry. What worry? He wasnt worried. Right?

„When did Paul Rovia leave with the children?! They should have arrived by now!“  
The woman on the other walkie talkie tried to calm him down. Negan wouldnt have any of it. Incompetence! He was surrounded by incompetence!  
„Simon? We need a searchparty…“  
„Open the gate! Open the gate!“ The voice of Hilltops supplyrunner sounded desperate. Negan let a breath go. He hadnt even noticed that he had held his breath.   
‚They are back. They are here. Everything is allright‘, he thought. Then he grabbed his jacket and stood on the porch of the house.  
Carl and Jesus were out of breath. How Judith could sleep in a stressfull situation like this was beyond the saviour. But the baby rested against Paul Rovias chest and slept the sleep of the rightous.  
„Herd. Right behind us. Could be thirty or more.“  
The look he got from Negan let Pauls blood freeze.  
„I ll be right back. Go to the kitchen and. dont. move. an. inch. all. of. you.“

Carl longed to go up to his dad, but he didnt dare to disobey now. Judith had woken up and suckled at her bottle. Jesus looked like he might vomit any second from fatigue.   
It took Negan almost an hour to clear away the threat that were the walkers outside. When he came back inside he was covered in walkerblood. He adressed Carl first:   
„Were you looking for your fucking slippers, Cinderella?“  
„You read too many books, sir.“  
„What was that, I didnt quite catch that, care to repeat it?! You. are. late. and. dare.to. give.me.cheek?!“  
Paul tried to step in. „Please, sir, it was my fault really, I was delayed at the Hilltop…“  
„You will learn today, Paul Rovia, that every action you take has a consequence for other people. For example: Carl being late. His father upstairs is worried sick. Another example:You being delayed. Carl faces the punishment.“  
„Please dont…please dont…It is on me…it is on me...NO!“

Rick had thought he had heared something. He listened closely, but couldnt make out another sound. He closed his eyes again. 

Paul Rovia was in hell. It couldnt be any other place. Negan had him shackled to a pipe in the little closetroom, the one that Carl dreaded so much obviously and he was forced to listen to his friend being punished outside. He tore at the restraints, but it didnt help matters.  
At the end of it, he cried more than Carl did.   
Carl grit his teeth and tried to focus on the hatred in his guts. But the hatred was suppressed by a very different feeling: Guilt. They should have left sooner. He never meant for his father to worry.  
„Do I get a number, little serial killer?“  
„I m sorry sir, i got distracted.“  
„Well, I am sorry too, Carl, because we might need to start over.“  
„No, no, no! Seventeen, please, seventeen, please dont…dont…please let him out of it…It was my fault..it was my fault…“ Jesus dissolved in tears and hickups.  
Negan remained silent for a moment, then he let Carl up and made him kneel next to his chair. Then he opened the door to the closet. Slowly as if he was approaching a wounded animal he crouched down infront of Paul Rovia and wrapped his arms around the other man.  
„See, Paul Rovia? Everything in this world has a consequence. Carl being punished, you being sad about it. Next time, take the fucking walkie talkie with you and let me know where you are!“  
He opened the shackles and helped Jesus up.  
The other man sobbed. „Please…may I hug him? I m so sorry, Carl. I m so sorry…“  
Negan granted a short hug, then he handed Carl a waterbottle and pointed Lucille to the door of the closet.  
A part of Carl wanted to scratch Negans eyes out. Another part wanted to retreat into the closet and forget about this night. And the third part wanted to fall to his knees and beg Negans forgiveness.  
The third part won.

Negan ordered Jesus to find a resting place with Eric and Aron. Then he took a blanket out of the chest in the kitchen and took Carl upstairs.   
Gently Negan nudged Carl to the end of the bed and advised him to settle down there. Then he got into bed himself. Rick didnt even stirr. Must be the meds. The boy curled up at Negans feet and didnt protest against the restraints. Carefully Negan covered him with the extra blanket.   
„Sir? Will you be able to get up, when Judy needs anything at night?“  
„Of course, Carl. Dont worry, rest and sleep, you need it. You wake me, when you need anything, right?“  
When the boy just nodded, Negan raised an eyebrow.   
„Yes, sir.“  
„Will do for now. You can allways call me daddy, if you want.“  
Carl looked so bewildered that Negan had to laugh. „Dont dwell about it now. Get your rest.“


	8. Run, boys, run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The usual: Negan creating stress, Carl and Rick running against the clock

„Carl? Carl. Wakey, wakey, help with breakfast.“ The saviour gently nudged Carls shoulder. Carls automatic first look was dedicated to Judith. But the baby was still sleeping.   
His father beside him was still asleep. When Carl touched his forehead it felt warm. Worried Carl got up and fetched a wet cloth from the bathroom. Maybe the wound was infected?  
Were in hell were the antibiotics?  
When he came back to check on the bandage it irritated him that it looked fresh. Strange. He opened it anyway and cleaned the wound again, just to make sure.   
„Carl! What is taking you so long? Did you fall down the toilet?“  
Oh please, just shut up allready, you big bully! Carl was pretty sure when this man was ever going to be hitting the dirt, one had to burry his mouth twice, just to make sure.   
Gently he nudged his father awake and gave him the medicine. „I ll bring you something to eat. You stay in bed, you need your rest.“  
„Carl!“  
„Coming!“  
He kissed his father on the cheek and before Rick could say anything Carl flew down the stairs like a bird. Well, in reality it was a big jump.  
„I dont tolerate dawdling in this house. When I call you, i expect you to come to me. Now, get going, I am hungry and your father is too.“  
It frustrated Carl to no end that he seemd to be excluded from breakfast again.   
„Is your sister awake allready?“  
„No, sir, but she will be shortly. I ll have a bottle ready.“  
„Are you in trouble allready Carl? What is it with the formal form of adress?“  
Carl paused for a moment. „Am I?“  
„You will be if I catch you jumping like that again. You could break a leg.“  
„What is it to you…“ Carl mumbled and jumped when Negan slammed his fist down on the table.  
„Is there something wrong with my ears or did you just give me cheek?!“  
Deep breath. Dont endager yourself, dont endager anybody else. Gritt your teeth and bear it.   
„I m sorry, sir.“  
„Apology accepted, get going with the breakfast, your father needs his strenght.“  
Carl nodded.

„Did he let you eat, Carl?“, Rick looked worried.   
„He said so, I need to head downstairs again. I have to keep Judy safe. Dont worry about me. I ll see you later.“ Carl kissed his father on the cheek and hurried back to the kitchen. 

Judith suckled eagerly at her bottle. Carl thought the day had 100 hours allready.   
„Carl, when the baby is sated, start peeling the potatoes for lunch, you have half an hour.“  
„Yes, sir.“  
„What was that, i couldnt hear you!“  
„Yes, daddy.“  
‚God allmighty, that are far too many potatoes. Well, lets get to work then.“  
Negan went upstairs, so Carl was alone with Judith. He started singing again. The baby smiled. 

„Please, daddy, can Carl come upstairs?“, was Ricks first question when the saviour appeared in the doorframe.   
„He has work to do, but you will see him soon. Now, how is my boy doing today?“  
„I m fine, daddy.“  
„Liar, liar, pants on fire. You look pale like a ghost.“  
Rick smiled apologetically. „I m just so tired, daddy.“  
„Well, i ll let it pass because you are still sick, my boy. But keep in mind that i dont take kindly to lying, right?“  
„Yes, daddy, I m sorry.“  
„Well, sorry wont cut it next time“, Negan warned. Rick nodded. Then he watched Negan stroll around in the room, busying himself with tidying up.  
„Are you hungry allready, my boy?“ Negan asked. Slowly Rick shoke his head.   
„No, daddy, but I bet Carl must be.“  
„If he is good he may eat lunch with us. He had a cup of cocao for breakfast. So, Rick, my boy, be a lamb and open your mouth. Need to check your temperature.“  
„I dont have a tem…“  
„Fine, we are doing it the other way“, Negan threatened, but then put the clinical thermometer in Ricks mouth anyway.  
„Act up like that the next time and you will regret it. No..dont..bite…you asked for it my boy…“  
„No, no, no, daddy please dont…I dont HAVE a temperature, you have to believe me“, Rick pleaded with the older man, spitting the thermometer out in the process.  
„Breakfast, dad…daddy.“ Carl climbed up the stairs, a tray in hands.   
„What in hell took you so long?“  
„I fell down the stairs in the chicken barren. But i m allright again. I m sorry, daddy.“  
„ And that took you twenty minutes? Are the potatoes ready?“ Negan fluffed Ricks pillow and helped the man sit up.  
„ No, sir. Yes, sir.“ The man took the tray from Carl, beheaded the egg and slammed his fist down on the nighttable.  
„I said four minute eggs, not one minute eggs and where in GODS NAME is the damn bread?!“  
„It..its coming straight out of the oven, sir…  
„Well, bring it and then go stand in that corner over there.“  
Immediately Rick started pleading with Negan. After a minute Negan closed his hand over Ricks mouth.  
„My house, my decision. Be quiet and eat, boy.“  
Carl had returned to the bedroom, had handed the bread over to Negan and retreated to the corner.  
Negan snipped his fingers. „Boy. Salt and Pepper.“  
Carl fetched the seasoning from downstairs. When he put it down beside the plates, Negan closed his fingers around Carls wrist and guided him down on his knees beside Ricks bed. A hand caressed absentmindly through Carls hair.  
Negan put the eggs in a glass, dipped the bread in and started feeding Rick. The man in the bed had his eyes locked with his son.  
„You want some of that too, kid?“ Negan asked Carl. His voice didnt sound mean or degrading. Carl was so hungry by now he had seen black and white dots dancing before his eyes when he had climbed up the stairs. He could do no other thing than just nodd.  
The saviour fed him like he was a puppy receiving treats from the table. After each bite of egg and bread, Negan touched something else on Carls face: His forehead, his chin, his cheek. If Carl flinched the next bite took longer to arrive. For the last bite Carl snuggled into the touch of the older man.  
„What do we say?“  
„Thank you, daddy?“  
„Thats it. Will you be a good boy today or do you need a reminder to be obedient?“  
When Carl didnt answer immedeatly, Negan reached for his belt. Ricks whimpering brought the saviour to a halt.   
„I think i have a fucking puppydog in my bed. Normally dogs sleep on the floor in my household, Ricky-boy. Whats up with the whining?“ Gently Negan reached over and ran a hand through Ricks hair. Rick shut up. But it had worked. Negan didnt proceed in his attempt to punish Carl. Instead he ordered the boy to fetch a basin of warm water and new pyjamas for Rick.  
Slowly Negan fed Rick tea from the cup. „What do we say, Ricky?“  
„Thank you, daddy. I love you. May I have a…“ He mumbled something that Negan didnt quite catch.  
He chuckled lowly. He had no idea what Rick meant by love.  
„Sorry sweety you will have to speak up. May you have what?“  
Rick looked unsettled now. He bit his lip. Somehow he looked as if he might cry any moment.  
„A kiss. May I have a kiss?“  
Negan grinned. „What?“  
Motionless he watched as something he couldnt quite name shatter in Ricks eyes.  
He wondered if Rick was just an incredibly good actor or if he just had arrived safly in his little place. Or maybe he just wanted to protect his son by giving Negan what he thought he wanted.  
Negan had hesitated too long. Ricks hopefull gaze changed, he could see it in his eyes first.   
„I …I m sorry…“  
„No, Ricky, speak up, what would you like to have?“  
„A…a kiss daddy. May I please have one?“  
„Well…since you are asking so nicely, my boy…“ The saviour leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. For a moment Rick tought he might have felt Negan smile into the kiss. His power-kiss. His boy. His victory.  
Get a grip, Rick…this is quite absurd… You are not really depended on the affection of this…father…  
Negan felt the shift in the atmosphere. Gently he started lacing his fingers through Ricks hair again.   
„You are such a good boy for me, Ricky. Would you like to have another kiss? You sure have earned one.“  
When his lips touched Ricks forehead again he heared something shatter. Carl stood at the stairs, pale like freshly bleached linnen.   
„Sod it, Carl! Get on your knees and pick that up! This instant! Thats the second time you wasted ressources and I have it up to here!“  
„What…what are you…doing?“ Carl made no move to collect the shards.  
„You, my boy, need to learn not to meedle in the business of adults. Your only job is to do what I tell you. And I believe I told you to pick. that. up.“  
Rick held his breath. Negan got up and walked slowly towards Carl.   
„What are you doing with my…“  
„Brother? Nothing that concerns you. Now pick that up and go find yourself a corner!“ Wordlessly Carl starred at the saviour and didnt move a muscle.  
„Boy! Now.“  
Negan seemed pleased when Carl did as he said. „Now, Ricky. I ll have business to attend to in your beautifull Alexandria. Will you be okay while I m gone?“  
Slowly Rick sat up. „Daddy? May I go visit my…your people while you are out?“  
The smile that appeared on Negans face reminded Carl of of a foxs grin. „Of course, Ricky. But remember to take it slow and easy. You are still wounded. Half an hour, do you understand? Not longer. Half. an. hour.“  
„Can I go to visit Jesus?“ Carl pushed his luck.   
„May you go visit Jesus? No you absolutly may not. But I will have him come over.“

„Really, man, you could have sent me a warning. I thought my last hour had finally arrived when Dwightyboy picked me up.“ Paul made himself comfortable in Carls cupboard.   
„Your dad on his legs again? Saw him wander off to god knows where.“  
„I guess.“ Carl snuggled up to Jesus and sighed. „He is worse than three stepdads together. I cant breath.“  
„Is he ever going to let you out of here?“  
„He does. For a few hours each day. To help with cooking and stuff. Its fine.“  
„Well you dont look fine. Here, I brought you something to eat. Figured you must be hungry.“  
Carl bit into the apple. „Can you see him?“   
The scout of the hilltop had pulled himself up to the window. „Yes. He is arguing with Olivia. Now he is drinking a soda crush. Orange i think. Oh no. Just tasted it. Threw it away after a sip.“  
„Its unbelievable. He is stripping us bare, blames us for meager scavange runs and still thinks he can throw around with our ressources. And on top of it he blames us if we break dishes.“  
Jesus climbed down again. „Why is your dad up anyway? He looked kinda sick.“  
Carl shrugged. „Dont know. Negan let him out for a while.“  
Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Negan opened the cupboard.   
„Boy. Come help with lunch. We are eating early. Your father needs his strenght. I have to go check on certain things. Until i m back lunch better is ready. Christ here can help you with that.“  
Paul made the sign of the cross, automatically.   
„Good boys. I hope for your sake that everything is perfect. And I hope for Ricks sake that he is punctual. Now get to work as if your life depended on it. Because it does!“  
Carl and Paul washed and prepared vegetables. The scout from Hilltop asked lowly: „Is he allways in this mood? How can you stand that?“  
„You get used to it after a while I guess. Wait a second! Where is Judith?!“ Carl dropped the carrot he was peeling and ran upstairs.   
His sister was gone. And Carl was sure, that he hadnt seen his father holding the baby. The boy stormed down the stairs and banged at the locked door.   
„Negan! Bring back Judith! Give her back! Negan!“  
An icy voice was heared through the door: „Calm the fuck down this instant Carl Grimes. I m just keeping your sister out of your hair so you can concentrate on your work. I m doing you a favor. Now be a good boy and do as I tell you to. Or else we are going to have a problem with each other. A big one!“  
„Negan, give me my sister!“ Carls voice sounded hysterically high pitched. Paul did his best to tear the boy away from the door.   
„Maybe he just wants to take the baby to Rick, Carl. What would he do with the baby anyway? Surlely he will take Judith to your dad.“

He didnt take the baby to Rick, but to Olivia. But Carl only got to know that later.  
Meanwhile Jesus and Carl tried to finish up their task.  
„I have to talk to Olivia about veggies we can bring over later. Then I really need to get going. Do you want me to take your sister with me maybe? You know, keep her out of the dangerzone?“  
„He will get angry if we dont ask him first.“  
„He will get angry anyway, he will keep her here and it will be dangerous.“  
Carl burried his face in his hands. „I want him gone. I cant breath. He is making me crazy. What does he want here anyway, why wont he go back to the Sanctuary?“  
„I m guessing he wants to make sure that nobody tries anything funny as long as your father isnt quite well.“  
„Somehting funny like what?“  
„Something funny like Spencer tried I m guessing.“

„You really should get some more rest, Rick. You look like death warmed over.“  
„I m fine.“  
„Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Will Jesus crash here ?“  
„I m guessing.“ Rick nodded at Eric and they left to meet up with Olivia. 

The woman was crying openly. Negan stood too close for comfort and scolded her for two cans of condensed milk missing from the inventory.   
„Could you tune down a bit? You will wake the whole town!“ Rick couldnt hide his annoyance and anger. In a flash Negan had turned around. Every other person still alive would have gotten whipslash.   
„This whole damn town should have been on their feet hours ago to earn shit for me! Scavenge and plunder, fight the dead and collect stuff! And you, Rick, are due back home in…eleven minutes. Whatever you still got to do, you better do it on the double! As you were! Dismissed!“  
Rick turned around and fled.  
Eric took the chart out of Olivias hands and ushered the crying woman back behind the shelfs.

„So, my babygirl, my sweetpie, my chicken macnugget. Sweet little Judy- angel. Are you hungry yet? Well I am. Lets see if your brother drearest has finished his chores like he was supposed to. How come you never are any trouble at all? Well considering your age…“  
Negan started humming a gentle tune for the little girl. But the humming soon turned to snarling.  
„Really, boys. Seriously. Do I have to make you get a move on?! Hurry the fuck up, if you want to eat at all today!“  
Carl and Jesus juggled the plates and cups between each other. It almost looked like a dance, Negan just couldnt decide if it was a Viennese waltz or a tango. The scout of the Hilltop had reflexes like a Ninja. Carl on the other hand…  
„You do remember what happens when you break any of those, right boys?“   
Jesus tilted his head inquieringly.  
„Lets just say…you keep Carl out of your juggling antics, if you know whats good for him, Paul Rovia. Now move it, i said! I am hungry and I bet your father will be too if he comes back home in…four minutes.“  
Carl gulped and took a look at the clock.  
„Carl, watch out!“ It was too late. The plate crashed on the floor and broke in fifty pieces.  
Pauls and Carls gazes were fixed on Negan. The saviour didnt move or react for a minute. A very long minute. He just fixated Carls gaze with his and Carl didnt dare to move a muscle. It seemed Paul Rovia had forgotten how to breath.  
„Well thats too bad, you can forget about your serving of lunch today, Carl Grimes.“  
„Please sir, dont…dont…I wasnt carefull enough, it wasnt his fault.“ The scout from Hilltop took a stand infront of his younger friend and spread his arms in a protective motion.  
„Shut up, Rovia! Move it! Get out of the way. Now.“  
„Not on your life, sir.“  
„Oh of course not on mine…“ Negans grinn had something diabolic to it.   
„Its allright, Paul. I am used to it“, Carl tried to calm Jesus down. The scout from Hilltop looked at Negan as if he wanted to break his neck with his bare hands. And Carl was sure that Jesus would have tried that, hadnt the walkietalkie started peeping.   
Negan reached over and answered the call. „Alexandria speaking?“  
„D…daddy? I m coming home now, i m sorry, i was delayed a bit.“  
„Good boy, Ricky. You have four minutes left.“  
„But…but daddy, I m on the other side of Alexandria…“  
„Then you better start running, my boy. Our food will get cold.“ Negan smiled at Carl and Paul who quickly ducked their heads and bussied themselves with finishing up.   
„Start running, Rick. Clock is ticking.“ Negan sighed dramatically. „Now. Where was I? Oh, right. You!“ He pointed at Carl. „Are excluded from this meal. Rovia, you can pack your ration and start with your march home.“  
„But…but…but…please dont…I…“ jesus stuttered.   
„Have a safe journey, Rovia.“ Negan picked up the walkie talkie again. „Two minutes, Rick!“  
„Daddy, please…please…“ Carl could hear his fathers heavy breathing.  
Negan handed the lunch parcel to Jesus, then he walked Carl back to the cupboard.  
„Kneel in the middle of the room, legs apart, hands behind your head. If I catch you moving out of this position you will regret it.“  
Patiently the saviour waited for his command to be obeyed.  
„Please, daddy, I m sorry. I wont break dishes again, i ll try harder to take care.“  
„You arent sorry yet, sweetheart, but thats allright with me.“ Negan walked around the kneeling boy in circles and caressed his hair on his way behind Carl. „But you will be soon enough. Now. Where the hell is your older brother?“  
The door was closed and Carl was alone.

Rick had a stitch, a really bad one. He panted and held on to his side. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He felt faint and dizzy.  
„Two minutes, Rick!“  
A panic errupted in Ricks chest. He saw black and white dots dancing infront of his eyes.  
„I..I wont make it…“  
„Sounds like a personal problem, Ricky.“  
„I just need more time.“  
„One and a half minutes.“  
Rick switched the walkie talkie off and fell back into a jogg.

Negan put Judith back in her little bed. Carefully he caressed her blond hair. „Little angel. You really are too good for this world. Sleep tight. Daddy will be home soon.“ He watched the baby sleep for a minute or two, then he went back downstairs.  
He looked around, still no sign of Rick. „Boy is asking for it, it seems.“  
Growling Negan opened the cupboard and sat down next to Carl. Instantly the boy made himself smaller. Smiling softly Negan started to run his fingers through Carls hair. Gently he touched Carls face, Carls neck and everything he could reach. At first Carl withdrew and whimpered but then he felt a spoon being nudged to his lips.  
The message was clear: Let me do what I want and you get fed.  
Obediently Carl tilted his head back.   
„Good boy, Carl“, Negan praised him.  
By the time Negan had emptied the whole bowl of cerial, Carl rested his head on the mans shoulder and more or less sat on the mans lap. Negan smiled and talked softly to the tired boy: „Tasty oatmeal isnt it?“  
When he made a move to get up, Carl started whimpering again and tried to follow him.  
„Now look at you, good boy. You d follow me everywhere now, wouldnt you?“ He looked down on the boy. Negan knew that Ricks son was too weak to get up.  
„Now. Two options. One: You do what i tell you and you let me do what i want and i ll let you out of here, you get some more to eat and a nice bath. Second: You defay me some more and you stay in here for a very long while longer. Just without comfort and anything to eat. Now, I want you to roll that thought around in your head for a minute.“  
Thick tears rolled down Carls cheeks. But he held one finger up.The saviour picked the boy up like a ragdoll and carried him upstairs. Carefully Carl tugged his legs under his torso, rolled to the side and curled himself in.   
Negan prepared a bath for the boy. Carls gaze didnt leave Negan but he didnt put up a fight when the saviour undressed him and picked him up. Carefully Negan lowered his charge into the water.   
„Stop struggeling, little monster. If you splash around i ll make sure you ll have something to cry about.“  
Carl sobbed uncontrollably.  
„Now, I stay here with you and help you wash up, and you will like it, wont you? Cant have you fainting and drowning after all, right? Then you get some nice oatmeal and soup. Do you look forward to it? Yes, of course you do, i thought so.“  
Negan hurried the bath along. It was no use if the boy fainted right through it. He dried him down and carried him back to Ricks bed.  
Carl saw black and white dots before his eyes. The water had been too hot.  
Carefully Negan put him on the bed and positioned pillows around him so that he couldnt fall off the bed by accident.  
When he came back with a bowl of oatmeal Carl was allready half asleep. But the thought of food woke him up again.  
„Where is my father?“  
Negan looked at Carl sternly. „Get on your knees.“  
Carl had to hold on to the bannister of the bed to be able to do that at all. „Where is my father?“ His voice sounded shrill.  
Spoonfull by spoonfull the saviour fed the boy. Negan chatted nonchalantly: „My father was strict with me too, you know. But look where I am now. Leader of the saviours. I am gratefull. You will thank me too, one day.“  
Carls look was all ice and all snow.  
Negan laughed and put the bowl down. „Get some sleep, later you can take care of your sister and do some chores around here. Now. Where the HELL is your older brother?“

Ricks chest ached. He couldnt breath properly and he was exhausted to death. When he saw Negan standing on the porch he knew there was trouble ahead. If he had had a choice he just wouldnt have gone nearer. But there was no choice. His children were in there.  
Ricks steps came to a halt infront of Negan. He didnt dare to look the man in the eyes. So he simply knelt down. Somehow the place at Negans feet felt strangly comforting.  
A hand caressed through his hair. Rick flinched and ducked, as if he expected a slap. His chest still felt like it might explode any second.   
„You ve got something so say for yourself, my boy?“ Negan asked, like he was discussing the weather.   
Rick choked on the words. He wanted to say a lot. That it wasnt easy to lead a community with an opressor around. That they had enough problems of their own. That the scavenge runs were meager. That he was still hurt. That he was tired. That he was sorry for being late. That he needed a shoulder to rest on. That he wanted Negan to dissapear into thin air. That he wanted Negan to stay.

„I m sorry, daddy. I was late. Please, dont be angry.“  
„You think I m angry, Ricky?“ Negans hand kept on caressing through Ricks hair.  
„Now, why would I be angry?“ Slowly Negan lowered himself down to Ricks level. Even in a crouching position Negan still towered over the kneeling man.  
„I…I was late?“  
„Yes. Why else would I be angry?“  
„I didnt obey you?“  
„Right. Something else?“  
Rick stayed silent and looked forlorn and lost.  
„I am angry, because Carl up there is worried sick. I am angry because you didnt take good care of my property. I am angry because you cant be punctual to save a life! I am angry, because you could be dead right now!“  
Tear by tear rained down Ricks cheeks. He launged forward and held on to Negan for dear life. It looked like he was hugging him. But in reality he was just holding Negan back.  
„And yes. You didnt obey me.“ Rick wanted to crawl under the stairs of the porch.  
„Go inside, eat something and get some sleep. I will deal with you later.“  
Slowly Rick exhaled a breath he was holding. Negan patted him on the back twice to get him going.

„Surly you are the most uncomplicated member of the Grimes family, arent you my little angle, yes you are. Good girl. Daddy Negan is going to sing a song for you. Would you like that? Of course you would. Now lets see…“  
Carl woke up to the humming of a tune. Instantly panic washed over him like a wave. He allmost fell down the stairs in his hurry.  
„I think I can just start talking to the fucking wall here! Now. What did we say about. jumping.down. the. damn. stairs?!“ Carls gaze was fixated to the little yellow duck on Judys sweater.  
„I want my sister…give me my sister…“  
„What happened to asking nicely?“  
Please. Such a little word. But Carl felt he would just choke on it today.   
Negan didnt press on. „You have a choice. Do your chores, care for your sister and be good. Or you can go back into isolation with some serious problems concerning your ability to sit down.“  
The two of them stared at each other for a moment. Then Carl stepped up and took Judith out of the saviours arms.  
„Seems there is a brain under this god damn hat after all.“  
Please just shut up. Just shut up. But Carl swallowed down his helplessness and fled to the kitchen.

Negan occupayed himself with writing inventory lists for the sanctuary in the sitting room, when a shy knock brought him out of his numbers and back to reality.   
Rick was standing in the doorway. He wore pyjama-pants and was barefoot. He looked so small and forlorn, like a child waiting in line for confession.  
Negan averted his gaze again and beckoned Rick closer. The former sheriff knelt at Negans feet and made himself as small as possible.  
„Did you have a nice nap, Ricky?“  
The nickname triggered Ricks little persona. „Yes, daddy. Thank you.“  
„Did you eat something, my boy?“  
Rick just nodded. That earned him a tug on his locks. „What was that?“  
„Yes, daddy.“  
„Good boy. Now. You came to me on your own accord. Why?“  
Rick said nothing for a while. He just knelt there. It costed him nothing. No energy at all. Negan held him upright.  
„I want it over with. Finished. I dont want you to be angry.“  
„You do understand now that I worry about you, my boy?“  
No. But Rick didnt say that. He just looked Negan in the eyes. The saviour smiled. „You dont have to understand. You will in time.“  
„I m sorry.“ That sounded like he had learned it by heart. It sounded automatical.  
Negan chuckled. „You and Carl are so very much alike. You arent sorry, Ricky. But you will be.“  
Rick had never believed in god very much, but right then he was praying to whatever deity who might lend him their ear that Carl was busy in a corner of the house as far away as possible from the sitting room. Just so he couldnt hear his dear old dad crying over something as childish as a spanking.  
„No reason for all this fuss, Ricky. I m only giving you what you earned today. Do i get a number, please?“  
„Sorry, daddy, 24. 24. Please, no more..i m sorry.“  
„Are you now, sweetheart?“ Negan smiled down on Rick.  
„Yes. I m sorry i was late. I didnt mean to make you worry. I love you. Please, let me up?“  
Negan chuckled lowely. Still he had no idea what Rick meant by love. Maybe Rick just said it time and time again to keep Negan calm?  
Carefully he helped Rick to get up. „Go to the corner and kneel there. Hands where i can see them.“ This time Rick didnt do as he was told. He got down on his knees and held on to Negans legs. He was crying.  
„Now what is this fuss all about, Ricky? Do as you are told!“ But Rick shoke his head, squeezed his eyes shut and started wailing and bawling.  
Curiously Negan watched the other man for a while. The former deputy seemed to be unable to calm himself down.  
„Is being alone so fucking difficult right now?“ Rick nodded vigourosly.  
Why the hell was Negan smiling? Rick closed his eyes and leaned against the mans legs. He exhaled.

„Shit!“  
„Language, Carl Richard Grimes!“ Negan stood behind him, like he had just grown out of the floor.  
„What did you break, burn or ruin now, huh?“  
Hastly Carl held his hand under cool water. „The handle was hot, sir.“  
„Let me see.“  
„Its nothing…“  
„Not my point, I said let me see!“ Negan blocked Carls way out of the kitchen.   
„Here, let me put some oinment on it. You have to be more careful. Are you done with your chores yet?“  
Carefully Carl avoided Negans gaze. „Not yet, sir. Still have to tidy up and feed Judith.“

Negan observed that Carl was dilly-dallying around. Maybe the boy wanted to avoid the cupboard. When Negan demanded that Carl hand the baby over to him, he started arguing. That earned him a few quick spanks to the bottom. But even after that Ricks son held onto Judy as if she was his safety ring.  
„We are going to have a long nice chit chat about obedience later, my boy. And if you think that this kind of behaviour will get you time to spend with your older brother you are sorely mistaken!“  
Tears of frustration ran down Carls cheeks.  
„You…you just need an excuse to beat me! Go ahead…Its not like i can stop you anyway.“  
Negan stepped closer to Carl and tilted his head up. „Thats not how this works, Carl.“  
Carl waited until Negan let go of his chin, then he asked if he could go to the bathroom. 

He didnt go to the bathroom. He went to Ricks bedroom and curled up next to his father. Rick opened his eyes and held his arm out. Instantly Carl cuddled against his fathers chest. He rubbed his nose against Ricks shoulder, like Judith did when she was tired. Judith rested in her crib, asleep like an angel, as if the end of the world had never happened.  
„Did he hurt you, dad?“  
Rick looked down on his son and lied through the teeth.  
„What about you?“  
„Everything is fine.“ Carl averted his gaze.  
„Do you want to look at me and repeat that please?“  
Carl cursed the deputy-part of his fathers personality. He sighed and confessed: „I burned my hand on the handle of the pot. Negan spanked me a few times. But its okay.“  
Rick swallowed. And swallowed again.  
„I ll talk to him.“  
„Dad…“  
The man of the discussion appeared in the doorway. „Whats that going to be when it is ready? Riot? Mutiny?“  
„You have to stop beating my son.“  
„I promise you Ricky, I will. If he becomes obedient and is more carefull. By the way…is that any way to talk to your daddy?“ Negan stepped closer and towered over Rick.  
Rick clenched his fists and forced himself to look the man in the eyes.   
Negan grinned. „Yep. Mutiny it is. You know how we deal with that in here. This time it is the cupboard for you, Ricky. Off you go.“  
Carl gasped when he saw Rick leaving.   
„You cant do that…“  
„I cant? Well fuck me sideways and call me Sally, but I believe I did just that a second ago. And guess what, little man, your dear father even obeyed me. Quite on the contrary to you, my boy. But we are going to change that. Believe me.“  
Carl heared the cupboard door closing. Defiantly he stared Negan in the eyes.   
Grinning the saviour ran his fingers through Carls hair. „Go ahead and keep that up. Act like i still need to break you. Guess what, you can have that!“


	9. Waiting, grooming, waiting, phonecalls, more waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan should know Rick stands under a lot of pressure. Shouldnt he?

Jesus found Carl shackled to the headboard of the bed.  
„What the hell is going on here?“  
„Carefull there Christ, you might lose your place in heaven.“ Negan laughed about his own joke.  
„Let him go. Let him out of those. What…“  
„And why on earth would I do anything you tell me, Rovia?“  
„Be…because I…I need him for a supplyrun.“ Jesus was allready messing around with the handcuffs. „I will get him out of those anyway. Your key just might make it quicker.“  
„Supplyrun, huh?“  
„We will drop Judith off at the Hilltop and go from there.“  
„Dont forget. Half of that shit you find is mine. Cinderella, you still remember your curfew?“  
Carl hang his head. „Midnight, sir.“  
„Cant he stay over night at the Hilltop?“ Jesus asked impatiently.  
„Excuse me, you temporary stuff of a Jesus, you were saying? Care to repeat that for me? He is back at midnight, not a second later or else there will be hell to pay! Now get out of my sight, all of you, before I change my fucking mind!“ Negan tossed the key to Paul.  
„But he…“  
„You are either out of here on the count of three or you will be facing a fireing squad, Paul Rovia! I am counting...“  
Jesus and Carl were up and out of the window quicker than Negan could say „One“.

„This mad-man, this devil, this sadist, we should just shoot him! Please, somebody go and shoot him!“, Paul ranted on the top of his lungs, walkers nearby be damned.  
„Calm the hell down, if any saviour around hears you we can go hang our selves, for all that will be left. He isnt all bad either, you know?“ Carl tried to calm his friend down.   
„Ex…cuse me, are you sure we are talking about the same Negan?“  
Carl closed his eye for a moment and then hushed Paul along. 

„Evening, sunshine. You got anything to say to daddy?“  
Rick starred dead ahead. Negan crouched down and tugged absentmindly on Ricks locks.   
„Pity, pity, pity. And here I was, thinking we had made so much progress allready.“  
The smaller man didnt move a muscle.  
„Really, Ricky. As soon as Carl had pulled his shit together, you start trouble. Whats that all about? Testing bounderies and shit? Really, there is no need for that. The short leash wont grow longer, not even an inch, you can bet on it. Actually…i ve got you on the collar.“ Negan wrapped his hands around Ricks throat and laughed.  
The panic crashed down on Rick like a wave. He couldnt breath anymore.   
„God damnit, what is it with you Grimes boys and your panicky attitude. Okay, here we go…in through the nose. Hold it. Out through your mouth. Good job, Ricky. Breath with me. Thats right. Good boy, Ricky. Now. Do you want to stay in here and sulk some more or do you want to sit with me for a while?“  
Rick ended up at Negans feet in the living room. The only sound was Negans pencil on paper and the turning of pages. Rick couldnt see what he was writing, but he assumed those were inventory lists.  
„Can I please go on a run tomorrow morning?“  
„We will see.“ Negan didnt even look up.  
„What do you mean we will see? I am their leader, i should be out there with them!“  
„Do I really have to remind you how you came back here from your little trip? Half dead and in worse shape than ever?“  
„Only because you stressed me out of my mind!“  
„Carefull….carefull how you are talking to me, Rick…“  
Negan was pleased when Rick lowered his gaze submissivly and muttered something that sounded like a „sorry“.  
From time to time Negan looked at the man at his feet. Rick looked miserable and sad.  
„How about you sing something for me, Ricky. That will cheer you up for sure.“  
Carls father looked up at the saviour and stared at him as if Negan had just grown a second head.  
„You know, generals used to make their soldiers sing. Keeps away the fear. You cant be frightened when you sing, did you know that?“  
If he was honest with himself, Rick had to admit that he really had heared something like that in police training.  
„I…i cant think of anything…“  
„Then whistle something.“  
Strangely a lot of childrens songs popped up in Ricks head all of a sudden. He smiled faintly when he thought about the time he had sung them with Carl. If he remembered correctly, Carl had allways loved music. When he came home at night from the station, his son would come running towards him. „Daddy, daddy! Mum lets me listen to records. Sing with me?“  
The snap of Negans fingers brought Rick back to reality.   
„None of that zooming out shit anymore, Rick. Stay here with me.“ When Rick didnt focus on him instantly, Negan delievered two spanks to Ricks bottom.  
If Rick had been totally himself he would have attacked the other man. But as it was now he stayed on his knees.  
„I dont hear you singing?“  
Rick wet his lips and complied.  
Negan closed his eyes and listend for a while.  
„You know what, you did so good, i think you deserve to sleep in the bedroom tonight. Would you like that?“  
Shyly Rick nodded.  
Absentmindly Negan began to play with Ricks hair again.  
„How do you brush through those? They are allways such a mess.“  
Rick had to think back at times where he had banned all brushes and combs out of his bathroom.  
„Rick! Are you lost inside again? Answer me.“  
„I…I comb them out with my fingers, daddy.“  
Negan chuckled. „Of course you do. Let me do it for once.“  
It was more taxing than Negan had thought. „What a mess you made of yourself, my boy. We should just cut those off, would make everything easier. And you need a shave anyway.“  
Rick looked up, fright mirrored in his eyes.   
„Please…I…“  
„Go get me the straight razor.“  
„Daddy, please dont! I can do it alone. Its still in moderation…“  
„I wont let a monkey in my bed. Now be a good boy and. go. get. me. the. straight. razor.“  
Rick was crying openly now. Shivering, shaking and scared to death he got to his feet and staggered to the bathroom.   
„Dont forget the fucking razor strap!“  
Violently Rick flinched to those words.  
„And move your ass a bit faster, will you?“  
If Rick had dared to, he would have jumped out of the bathroomwindow.  
„I am waiting, Rick! You are really testing my patience.“  
Breath in, breath out. He stayed in the shadows as he went back to Negan and answered the man in a hushed, silent voice: „I m sorry daddy. I m scared.“  
Negan tilted his head inquiring. „Explain.“  
„I…I dont know….just scared.“ Breath in, breath out. And he didnt let the straight razor out of his sight, ready to wrestle it out of Negans hand.  
Negan looked Rick straight in the eye and held out his hand.  
Rick felt like he had felt back in the RV as he had handed the axe over to the saviour.   
„Hold on to the strap. Thank you.“ Negan sharpened the instrument. Rick felt sick.  
„Do you allready know why you are scared?“  
Did he actually want an answer to that question? Softly Negan chuckled.  
„Are you scared i could cut you? Slit your throat open? Tell me, Ricky. I wont be angry.“  
He held the straight razor to Ricks neck. „Do I get a fucking answer?“  
„I dont want you to shave me, daddy. I can do it myself. I m afraid you could cut me.“ Ricks voice was a whisper.  
He expected Negan to blow up like a vulcano. But instead the villain just chuckled and giggled.  
„Well….lets find out if your fear is real.“  
Rick didnt know for sure for how long he had held his breath. The clock above them showed a minute.  
Fight him for the straight razor, that thought crossed his mind for a second. No. That could go south quickly.  
The blade touched his skin.   
„Ever had a shave with a straight razor, Ricky?“  
Rick didnt dare to answer or move.  
The scratching of the blade over his skin was horrible.  
„Really, boy, are you still afraid i could cut you?“  
Did he really expect an answer to that?  
When Rick didnt reply immediatly Negan whacked the razor strap over Ricks tighs. The younger man cried out and recoiled.  
„I m skilled with this thing. I wont cut you.“ Rick didnt believe a word Negan said. „The fear in your eyes though…“  
Scrape. Somehow, anyhow Rick wished he could turn off his hearing. Scrape. Scrape. Scrape. The sound was disgusting.   
„Allways against the grain, Ricky. Allways against the grain.“ Negan laughed.   
This man is a lunatic. Rick wished he could cover his ears.  
„See. All done. No use for all this drama, Ricky.“  
Rick didnt agree with that but he didnt contradict. It was safer that way.  
It was dark outside, pitch black.   
„Did the Hilltop call allready?“  
„No. Shall I make a call?“ Negan smiled down on Rick.   
When the younger man nodded, the smile grew into a grin.   
„What will you give me, if I call?“  
Instantly Rick looked like a deer caught in the headlights.  
„Gods, we could make a horror show with your reactions, if that still was a thing around here in this world. Did you have a favourite TV show before everything went to shit?“  
Negan didnt seem to be wanting an answer to that.

„Hilltop, Enid speaking?“  
„Now, you darling, have a lovely voice, havent you?“ Negan grinned into the walkie talkie with such vigor, that he was sure the girl on the other end had to feel it.   
„I…I …I dont know. What can I do for you sir?“  
„Sir…at least there is one person with good manners still alive in this shithole called the Hilltop, good to know.“  
„You wanted to talk to…“ Negan could picture the girl right before his inner eye. Either she was biting her nails or she was chewing on her braid.  
„Carl or the messiah, i dont care. Go get me one of them, darling. Make it quick.“  
Paul Rovia sounded halfdead when he answered on the walkie talkie. The trips from Hilltop to Alexandria and back must be taxing, especially when done by foot.  
„Hilltop, Jesus speaking?“  
„Good evening to you too, Paul Rovia. Everything pink and dotty at the Hilltop? Did you arrive safe and soundly?“

Rick strained his ears, but he could hardly hear what Negan said. And what the person on the other end of the walkie talkie said escaped him completly. He put an effort into it and got out of bed. He felt faint and drowsy. Oh god, the stairs. Carefully he climbed down. His vision was blurry and the ground seemed to be shaking.   
„What the hell is going on up there?!“  
He hadnt been quiet enough. Shit.  
„Richard Grimes, i swear to everything that has been holy, if you are doing something stupid again, you are going to regret it till sunday!“  
Rick contemplated to turn around and seek refuge in flight. But before he could think any further Negan appeared at the foot of the staircase.


	10. "Richard"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excessive use of Ricks full Name, lists and stress. Lots of it.

„You know, Richard Grimes, I really start considering talking to the god damn walls in here! Because I think they would actually listen! Unlike you! What did I ask of you, before I so generously offered to call your folks for you?“  
Rick didnt know. Rick didnt know anything. He just knew that it couldnt be good if Negan adressed him by his full given name.  
„Let me help you jogg your memory: I asked you to stay upstairs. Simple as that. Now. Did you do as I told you?“  
Did he really want an answer to that?  
„Have you turned deaf?! Did all that shooting your absurd little python do your hearing in completly?! Read my fucking lips then! Did you do as I told you?!“  
Rick curled in on himself and covered his ears with his hands. The „No, sir“, was almost not audible.  
„I am beginning to think, Richard, that you are just disobedient for the heck of it. And if you havent guessed allready: that shit doesnt fly with me!“  
By the time Negan was finished talking Rick had curled himself into a ball.  
„I really dont get whats so damn fucking difficult about doing. what. you. are. told!“ Negan emphasized each word with a slap to Ricks tighs.  
When Rick tried to curl himself up even tighter, Negan stopped him. „Look at me. Stop that. I said, look at me!“  
While he tried to get his shaking limbs under controll, Rick lifted his gaze up to meet Negans chocolate coloured eyes.  
„Please…you have to understand…I…I only want to make….make sure my children are safe…please, please dont be…dont be…“  
Negan took something like pity on the shaking form of the ex-deputy. „Dont be what? Dont be angry?“  
Rick nodded weakly.  
„Richard…do you know why i asked you to stay up in your room?“  
No answer was an answer aswell. At least Negan thought so.  
„I wanted you to stay safe. I wanted you to rest, to get better. Thats why. Do you understand that or is that concept too high for you?“  
Rick wanted Negan to stop it. To stop holding him in a grip that bruised as if he might fly away any second.   
He contempleted breaking free of Negans hold for a second. But then he just shoke his head instead.   
„Verbal answer, if you please.“  
„No, sir. Its not too high for me.“  
„Then i will be lead to assume you did this to be disobedient just for the fun of it? Right?“  
Rick wimpered.  
„Look, Richard, i get it. Really, i do. Its difficult to pass on controll to someone else. But believe me when I say i only have your best interest in mind. You are still not back to topform. You are slowing down your healing process if you get up all the time. You should be thanking me for taking over.“  
„Thank you.“  
Negan chuckled. „Do you even know how that just sounded? Like you learned it for an audition at the school theater.“

Jesus and Carl didnt stay at the Hilltop. They moved on to Oceanside.  
„Negan is going to throw a fit, when he cant reach you over walkie talkie, i m telling you. That is all a stupid idea.“  
„No its not. The controllfreak can start stopping getting his boxers in twists. For heavens sake, i am not a baby anymore.“  
Judith started babbeling. 

„Yes, Richard, i am trying here! Not that you have earned a call to your kids, like at all! Now be quiet, i cant even hear myself talking! I said, shut up, Richard! Fine, you asked for it.“ The saviour grabbed Rick at the scruff of the neck and draged him to the corner.  
„Move an inch, make a sound and you will regret it for a year.“  
The leader of Alexandria was crying soundlessly.  
„Back straight, hands over your head, knees further apart. Allright. No moving out of position and silence.“  
Rick held his breath but couldnt stop the tears running down his face.  
„Alexandria calling Hilltop. Ah, its you again, darling. What was your name again?“  
„Enid, sir.“  
„Right. Enid, be a doll and get me Carl Grimes.“  
„I…I… fear that wont be possible at the moment…“  
„Excuse the shit out of my god damn spanish but WHAT did you just say, girl?!“ Negan tightend the grip on the walkie talkie as if he had Enids neck in his hand.  
„I m sorry, sir…you cant speak to Carl Grimes right now.“ Her voice was shaking.  
„ Repeat that darling, i think i havent heared you correctly?!“  
„You…you wont be able to speak to Carl Grimes right now, sir…he…he isnt here.“  
„Then were in hell is he?!“

Negan came thundering back to Ricks room like a storm on a day of July. „I want a list with all the names of your fucking Alexandrians! Due in 5 Minutes!“  
„What…why?“  
„4 and a half minutes!“  
Rick scrambled to the desk and reached for a pen and paper.  
„What…what do you need that for?“  
„Thats for me to know and for you to find out, my boy. Four minutes! Make columns next to the names.“  
„What…what for?“  
„Finish it and find out.“  
Rick froze. Roll calls.  
Shit.

„Now i want you all to listen, you sorry shits! And listen carefully! I want to get to know you all a little better. Hell, I dont even know the names of half you folks! We will change that. Starting now! From today on, you will assemble in front of Ricks house at seven in the morning and at seven in the evening. All of you, only exception is if you are resting on your deathbed in the hospitalwing! Failing to do so will have major consequences. Got it?! Good. Everyone leaving or entering Alexandria will have to report to the saviour at the door. For today thats Arat, for example. Can everybody follow me here or is that also too complicated for you all?! Well. As you were!“

Meanwhile Rick fought a war with the walkie talkie. „Carl Grimes coming please… Jesus? Hello? Anybody? Fuck it!“  
„Language, Richard!“  
Rick looked up at Negan with a look that asked: „Are you serious?“  
Negan settled down in a chair, looked at Rick and then at a spot on the floor before him. Without being told, Rick kneeled down there.  
„Well, well, well, see who is learning?“ Then Negan held his hand out. „Your lists.“  
„I…I m not quite finished yet.“  
„Give it here. I ll finish it for you. Tell me who is still missing.“  
Rick dictated Negan five more names. „…Judith Grimes, Carl Grimes . And my humble self.“  
„See? That wasnt so hard now, was it? Now, copy it twice.“  
The urge to vomit became overwhelming.  
„8 Minutes, Rick. Chopp, chopp.“  
Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth. Everything will be allright.   
„I know you dont like this, Richard. But its for your folks own safety. You cant protect someone if you dont controll him. How can I keep your people safe if I dont even know where they are half the time?“  
No answer was also an answer. At least Rick thought so. Negan let it slide this time.   
Ricks knuckles turned white, he held the pencil in a vice grip, Negan almost wanted to scold him not to hurt his fingers.  
Ricks thoughts were far gone, they were with Carl and Enid who sneaked out of Alexandria more often than not. That was going to cause trouble. For sure. Rick didnt think that Carl would let himself be shackled to the house in the near future. Rick felt the bile rise in his throat.  
„Richard?“  
And then the former leader of the Alexandrians exploded. Just like that.   
„Its RICK! R.I.C. K.! I didnt do anything wrong, so stop talking down to me as if I was a criminal! You can call me Richard when I fuck thangs up, not sooner!“ That ourburst earned him a slap to the cheek. Rick thought his head would go flying out of the window.  
„Thats no way to talk to me, Richard.“   
When Rick tried to get to his feet, Negan held him down.   
„Stop it.“ Violently Rick trashed in Negans hold.  
„Be good, Richard. You wont gain anything with this anyway, just another hard time.“  
„Rick. I m Rick.“ The former sheriff sounded like a broken record. But he stopped struggeling eventually.   
„Good boy. Now. Inventory lists. Write: Needed at the sanctuary. On the next page: Needed in Alexandria. Chopp, chopp.“

Rick was glad that he had learned shorthand at police academy, because Negan talked faster than a motor cycle could go per hour.  
„You got that, Richard?“  
„ Rick. No…“  
„Good, next: 20 bottles of drinking water…“ Did this man even listen?  
„We dont have 20 bottles…“  
„Then come up with something else! Canned beans, crackers, instant soup. Now for the medicine: Antibiotics, you can keep 20 pills, the rest is mine, bandages…“  
„Please, wait a sec, I havent caught up…“  
„Am I talking too fast for you? Let me see…What the fuck is that scribble?!“  
„Its…its shorthand, sir. I ll write it out when I have more time, sir. Please, we dont have the ressources…“  
„Am I talking in a fucking foreign language or something?“  
„No. Please, you have to understand, we simply cant deliever.“  
Negan slammed his fist down on the counter. „That seems like a personal problem to me, Richard.“  
This time Rick didnt correct the saviour. He just curled in on himself and made himself smaller. He needed a lot of self controll to not errupt in sobbing.   
A cool, hard hand touched his head, icy fingers raked through his curls.   
„I know its hard. Standing infront of nothing. But you still have me. I ll keep you safe. I wont let you and your people starve. I promise.“  
And this time Rick started sobbing for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading


	11. Deadly curfew or Time is running out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan is done waiting for Carl

„So, young man, care to tell me where the hell you ve been? Because you sure as hell didnt stay at the Hilltop. Dont even fucking try and go there and try to sell that to me, because I wont be buying it.“ Negan was seething with anger.  
„We had to outrun a herd. An escape route, sir.“  
„And that fucking escape route didnt lead you back to fucking Hilltop?! Are you bullshitting me?!“  
„Would never dare to.“  
„Look me in the eyes and repeat that, if you dare to!“  
Carl looked up slowley and stared straight ahead.   
„Carefull how you re looking at my, Carl Grimes.“  
Carl adjusted his gaze, drained all the insubordination out of it and looked at Negan again.  
„We had to take an escape route, we simply couldnt stay on the road. I m sorry.“  
„Where is your sister?“  
„We left her at the Hilltop, sir.“  
„And who gave you permission to do that?“ Negan asked impatiently.  
„No one. We thought it would be safer.“  
„You do an awfull lot of thinking lately. Pity that only bullshit comes out of it.“  
„We only meant well for Judith, sir.“ Jesus added.   
„Who said I was talking to you?! And meaning well is mostly poorly done! I gave you no permission to do that!“  
„She is MY sister, I can decide whats best for her…“  
„You keep forgetting one tiny but very important fact: I OWN YOU! All of you! If I say ‚jump‘, you ask ‚how high‘, got it?! I decide whats best for all of you!“ Negan was short of exploding.   
„You know what I think? I think you are just a controll freak!“  
Jesus, Rick and Carl jumped as Negan slammed his fist down on the kitchen table.   
„Get out of my sight, before I forget myself! Until further notice you are confined to the cupboard! Water and dry bread, nothing else!“  
Negan saw everything he had built with Rick crashing down before his very eyes. Jesus and the leader of the Alexandrians shouted uno sono and he didnt understand a word they were saying. Maybe it was for the better. He let them carry on for a minute or two.  
„Okay, boys, calm the fuck down again. Paul Rovia, you will report back here once a day and give me an update of the girls wellbeing…dont look at me like that you brought that on yourself. Failure to do that will be dealt with swiftly, got it?“  
„But…but…but…“  
„The only butt that will have to pay for your failure will be the one of Carl Grimes, got that? When you come back tomorrow I expect a list with the names of the Hilltops inhabitants and their current whereabouts. Now slither back to the sorry excuse of a piece of land you call a colony. As you were!“  
Paul Rovia fled.   
Rick took a deep breath. „Please…you cant be serious. That is an arduous task you set him there.“  
„Exactly! Maybe that will curb the cheekiness of this Hilltop scout. And maybe it will teach Carl a thing or two. Now, enough of that!“  
Rick was sobbing, he was caught up in a hick up and couldnt breath. When he spoke up his voice sounded like he had screamed at the top of his lungs for days: „Please dont do that to Carl. He is skin and bones as it is.“  
„Not my fault the little serial killer is immune to learning experiences.“  
„Please…do it to me…you can do it to me.“  
Negan chuckled. „Little martyr, arent you, sweetheart? No, Richard, you didnt call me a controll freak, didnt you? That was Carl. His responsibility. His punishment. Do you understand that?“  
There it was again. That voice. Negan talked down to him like he was a four year old.  
Rick thought about it quickly. Then he took a deep breath and tried for it:  
„Daddy? Its your responsibility to keep me and my …brother safe and healthy, right?“  
„Right, Ricky.“ Negan smiled and ran his fingers through Ricks hair approvingly.  
„Then you have to feed Carl. You cant starve him. Thats not keeping him safe and healthy, right?“  
Negan chuckled. „See how clever you are, my boy. Well, I think a little warm milk from the bottle to his bread wont hurt anyone, huh?“  
That was not what Rick had meant but it was better than nothing.   
Negan seized Ricks chin. „If I do you that favour you drop this attitude, got it? If not, so help me god…“

„Hey there little serial killer. Open up. Daddy wants to feed you. Come on, you know the drill.“  
Carl reluctantly cuddled against Negans chest, rested his head on Negans shoulder and closed his eye.   
„Be good. Open up. There you go. Yum yum yum. Is that fucking tasty? Yes it is, right? Now? Have you learnt your lesson yet? Are you going to behave from now on?“  
Carl nodded slowly, too sleepy to disagree with Negan.  
„I m sorry.“  
„Are you? For what?“  
„For calling you that curse name. For making you angry.“ The tired boy cuddled closer.   
„Look at you, good boy, Carl. Now, your father was right unfortunatly. You ARE skin and bones. Drink up. Well. I ve got a deal for you. I ll let you out of here and let you go back to your normal eating schedule. But I cant let you off the hook just yet. So tell me. What should I do?“  
Negan never really thought Carl would make a suggestion. So he was a bit caught off guard when Carl pointed at his belt.  
„Now, thats a bit harsh wouldnt you agree? How about you go and find me a switch outside?“  
Carl stared at Negan for a minute.   
„And in case you misinterpreted: That wasnt a request, that was an order. 5 minutes. Watch the clock.“  
Damn kid, Negan thought and shoke his head. Thinks i m going to wallop him into next week because of a slip of the lip. Really, who do these people think I am?

Rick had climbed down into the kitchen and had started on a late breakfast. He wasnt sure what Negan would want to eat, so he just assumed that the man would be fine with what they all had. Just a bit more.   
Scrambled eggs on bread and oatmeal. There wasnt enough bacon, only two stripes left, so Rick put all of it on Negans plate.  
And Rick was a moment away from dropping the whole tea pot, when Carl entered the kitchen though the front door.   
„Son? Where have you been? I thought you were up there with Negan? What…“  
„Ah, there is my favourite little serial killer. Punctual this time, I m so proud of you Carl. Now go and put it upstairs, we are going to eat first. You look like you might faint any second.“  
„What is all this about? He…“  
„Ah, Rickety Rick, shut up and do as I told you. Where is the tea? You know, one is supposed to fucking drink to a meal, right?“  
Rick poured the hot beverage into Negans cup. Carl came back and settled down on the floor next to Negans chair.   
„Good boy, Carl. Here, open up. Rick, sit.“  
Negan observed Rick eating for a minute or two, then he gave him one of the two stripes of grilled bacon.   
Rick thanked him humbly and exchanged looks with Carl.   
„Dont even think about it. He will only get sick.“ Negan feed Carl spoonfull after spoonfull of oatmeal.  
„Have a sip of water. Good boy. Have another bite. Is it tasty? Yes, sure it is. Dont make me do this to you again.“  
Rick took a deep breath and dared to ask: „Why do you punish him like this anyway? I mean…why not…beat him, or just lock him up or I dont know…“ He had sunken in himself more and more to the end of the question.  
„Really, Rick one might think you are blind or deaf or both or something. Cant you see how pliant and obedient he is now? Really, you guys have no sense of upbringing.“  
Rick muttered an excuse and concentrated on his food.   
Negan finished his breakfast. Smiling he gave one of two pieces of bacon to Rick, then he fed small pieces of the other to Carl.   
„Slowly, chew well. Good boy, Carl. Here, eat up.“  
„You have eaten next to nothing, sir, shall I make more?“ Rick asked lowley.   
„My first responsibility is to feed you two, isnt it?“ The two Grimes men looked at him disbelievingly.  
„Here Carl have some more tea. Dont look at me like that Rick, isnt it a fathers job to care for his children?“

„I have to get out of here, before I loose my marbles completly.“ Carl was dead serious. His look was haunted and feral. „I m leaving, I m going to the kingdom and then on to the Hilltop.“  
„Have you asked Negans permission?“ Jesus didnt like that at all.   
„No, why should I?! He gives a shit about all of us, the only thing he cares about is his fucking dominance game! Nothing else! And I wont be a part of it any longer!“  
„Have you talked to your father ? He is the leader of Alexan…“  
„My dad is no leader any longer, just Negans pathetic little puppet, his jester at best, his little boy at worst! You can forget his backup!“  
„Carl Grimes, you wrong your father talking like that. He is doing all that to stay in Negans good graces so he wont hurt any body else. You cant scold him like that, he doesnt deserve that!“  
„Forgive me…“ Carl was wrecked. His cheeks were wet with tears, his hands closed to fists.  
„Did Negan punish you again? Are you so upset because of that?“  
„I m not upset. I m angry.“  
„Look, I can understand that you want to get away for a bit. We could visit Judith or something. Its just…I dont think its safe to go without telling him. Besides he has a post at every door.“  
„Then we wont use the doors. I ll leave my dad a note, so Negan cant flipp his shit.“

„Did you have a favourite sport before the world went to shit, Ricky? Wait, dont tell me, let me guess. You liked playing soccer before all this. Right? Right, right, right?“  
Rick smiled softly. „Yes. Among other things. Did you like playing base ball?“  
„And how in hell did you guess that so quickly?“ Negan joked.  
„I m a sheriff deputy, I m good at reading people.“  
„Let me guess again. You were the good cop, right? The one who would give second chances instead of speeding tickets? Am I talking crap?“  
Rick smiled softly again. „No. You are not talking crap. Thats actually true.“  
„Bloody goody two shoes. I knew it. Tell me something Ricky….are you into tieing someone up? Are you? Are you are you are you?“ Negan was grinning like a maniac.   
„I dont know“, Rick still smiled softly. He tentaivly reached his hand out and ran it through Negans hair. „I dont mind so much.“  
„Come on, you ve got to be bloody kidding me, right? You were a cop, of course you are into that stuff“, Negans grin had become feral. „Now….how about…being tied up? You didnt make a lot of fuss, so you know I thought…“  
Rick tilted his head. „What?“  
„That you wouldnt mind so much.“ The grinning must hurt at this point.   
„By the way that is quite nice what you are doing there. Pity though that you dont seem to be so fond of cuddeling Carl.“  
Rick immediatly looked upset. „Thats not true…“  
„Then why dont you do it more? Boy is touch starved. Needs his daddy.“  
Now Negan had finally done it. Rick started crying.  
„Did I upset you, sweetheart? I didnt mean to. You know me. I m running my mouth all day long, talking faster than i can think. Dont sweat it. I should go check in on Carl.“  
Rick held Negan at the wrist. „No. He is fine, i m sure. Bring me something to eat? Please?“  
Negan smiled. „Just because you said please.“

They shared a dish of spaghetti. Negan made Rick beg for each bite. When they reached the bottom of the dish Rick was crying in shame.  
When Negan went to bring some lemonade, Rick finally had a chance to relax a bit. But Negan didnt come back instantly.  
And when Rick heared him howlering, he knew he was screwed.   
„RICHARD GRIMES!“ A moment later Negan stood over him, waving Lucille around.  
„Where did your brat of a son go?! You backed him up, dont even go there and deny it! You tricked me! You…“  
Rick covered his ears and curled himself in to a ball. Negan slammed Lucille down beside Rick.  
The words came out on instinct again: „Daddy… daddy, please…“  
The man holding the bat backed off immedeatly. He looked haunted.  
„I m sorry, baby…“  
Negan wasnt fully there, Rick could see as much. Be carefull, he told himself. The man is dangerous. Even more so if he is upset.  
„Daddy…its okay. You would never hurt me, remember?“ Rick hoped he remembered. He hoped the imploring would work.  
Negan smiled.  
„Of course not. But you know I have to punish you if you are bullshitting me, Richard.“  
There it was again, his full name. Rick swallowed audibly. Negan reached out and ran his fingers through Ricks hair, a little too roughly to be considered gentle.  
„I ll call Hilltop and the Kingdom. I ll make sure he is sent back.“   
Rick wanted to cry.   
„Now, what shall I do with you?“ Rethorical question because Negan loved to hear himself talking. Again he was running his fingers through Ricks locks.  
„First, no dessert for you today.“ Negan smiled maliciously and took the little plate away. He would give it to Judith later. But Rick didnt need to know that.  
„Second, you will have a date with my belt later when I m back from my round. Have to set up your third punishment first.“ Grinning he stood up and walked out speaking into his walkie talkie. Rick only heared that he was talking to Simon. When Negan was out of reach, Rick started crying softly. Not because he would be starved or beaten, he could take that. But because he and Carl had foolishly endangered their people. Again. 

„Now, you sorry shits, here is the deal. Generous man that I am, I ll give Carl Grimes until midnight to return to Alexandria. Until then, I have this little bag here. Each and everyone of you will reach into it and choose a marble. The one who gets the black marble will have to bite the dust. Go on, come on over, I dont bite. Too hard.“  
Reluctantly they obeyed Negan. What else was there to do? They didnt have a second choice.  
„Now hold them up so I can see them.“  
Ricks face turned white as a sheet when realisation struck.  
„Hold your hands out, I said!“  
Rick glanced to Olivia who was standing next to him. Her breathing was shallow. And a moment later Rick knew why. All members of Alexandria had gotten a white marble, inclusivly himself. Olivia had gotten a black one. Before Olivia could start crying and give herself away, Rick closed his hand over hers, exchanged the marbles, took a deep breath and raised his hand.  
Negan stepped closer and took a look at Rick and the dead pale Olivia. Rick fell to his knees.  
„Well, well, well, arent you a little saint, kneeling for communion. You are trying so hard to become a martyr, saint Rick, its almost adorable. But you know…I belive Olivia got the black marble. Not you. Olivia. Right?“  
„Please…please dont do this…“  
„Dwight, lock her up. You others, as you were, you Richard are coming with me.“

He left Rick to stew in the cupboard for an hour. When Rick heared his steps on the veranda he was almost relieved, as if he had forgotten what was still coming. He leaned into Negans touch as if he were a dog starving for his owners affection.   
„You can be so sweet if you want to be, Richard. I could cuddle you all day. Pity though that we have another matter to adress first, isnt it?“  
Rick hang his head and sighed inaudibly. He didnt put up a fight, he didnt even flinch.  
„How did you know I switched the marbles?“, Rick asked lowley.   
„You are such a bad liar, I could see it in your eyes.“  
„Please…please dont kill Olivia. Please dont hurt Olivia. It can be me, it can be me, please…“  
„It can be me, it can be me, please“ Negan aped and mocked. „Newsflash! It is you! You dont get it do you? I kill your ration lady and make you watch. You are learning. If I kill you, you cant learn anything anymore. Though lesson, I know.“ Negan sighed.   
„Allright, lets get this show on the road and over with. Take off your trousers and bend over the sofa. I ll be with you in juuuust a second.“  
Negan took the walkie talkie and stepped outside. With shaking hands Rick undid his trousers.

„Carly boy, how good to talk to you! Tell me, babyboy, do you like our sweet, precious Olivia? You see, I love the golden little lamb. But she wont be here much longer. Pity isnt it? Good thing is, I know someone who can prevent that shit. Guess what! It is you! Just be here at midnight, not a second later and I may allow her to keep breathing! Believe me, I ll nib your insubordination in the budd, if its the last thing I do! And daddy dearst wont be able to help you ot of it this time! I m not counting any more! This is your third strike, boy.“  
Negan didnt leave Carl enough time to answer. He wouldnt have been able to hear him anyway, because Rick was bawling like a banshee.   
„Shut up this instant or I ll give you a better reason to cry! Now hold still, if you know whats good for you!“  
Rick had feared that Negan would flay him. But the man seemed to have a big ressource of self controll. The licks were hard, but controlled. Rick had been told he would get sixty. When the ex deputy started counting obediently, Negan shortened his sentence down to fifty.  
„What is this punishment for, Richard?“  
„Its Rick. Because I backed up Carls flight to the Hilltop.“  
„You are only Rick if you are good. You ve been bad. Richard it is.“  
Rick started crying. It was too much. The pent up fear found its way out of his system.  
Afterwards Negan just held him. And Rick let him. It was the end. 

Rick didnt know when he had fallen asleep in the closet. He must have been out like a light, because he hadnt even noticed that Negan had put coolpacks in his trousers. Maybe the tyrant had slipped something in his water?  
Carefully Rick stood up and went to look for Negan. Carl wasnt back yet, otherwise he would hear arguing and shouting.  
Negan was standing on the porch. Rick could only see him because the latern was on. Slowly Rick approached him and kneeled down next to him. After a while a hand came down and caressed Ricks hair.  
„Go, wake your people. I ll go get Olivia. If you contradict me now, Richard, I ll kill a person for every word you say.“

„I dont want to do this. Believe it or not, I dont enjoy killing you people. You are no use to me, when you are dead. But lessons need to be learned. I m really sorry, Miss Olivia. You all can say thank you to Carl Grimes for this mess. No eenie meenie minie mo today.“  
Olivia was pale like a ghost and looked more dead than alive allready. Rick heared everything like he was stuck under a very thick blanket and he saw everything in slow motion.  
He hearded the wind whistle as Negan reached back with Lucille. He heared a dull: „NO! NEGAN, WAIT! I M HERE! I M HERE! WAIT!“ He saw his son jumping down from the wall that protected Alexandria. The jump lasted forever. He was sure Carl was running, but it took half a century to get tot he small group that was standing around Negan. When Carl threw himself over Olivia, to shield her with his small body the slow motion stopped. Rick heared a loud ringing in his ears. He saw the bat, that came nearer and nearer towards his son. And then everything went black.


	12. Time for conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing too serious, just to get back on track

„Rick? Rick! Wake up. Its time to wake up. You ve been out for over 2 days now.“  
The former deputy didnt want to open his eyes.  
Negan was holding a cup with something hot inside to his lips. „Here. Have a sip. Thats not a request, thats an order. Dont even think about spitting. I swear to god damn god, I ll find a feedingtube and forcefeed you. Thats a good boy.“  
One sip. He only said one sip. And that was all he would give Negan. Rick wanted to die. What use was living if his son was dead? He had no one to live for anymore. He was no good boy. Good boys didnt get their own sons killed.  
„Good, I will have to find that damn babybottle then. Wait here. Who am I kidding? You couldnt get away if you wanted to.“  
He heared Negan bickering: „God damn stuborn ass of a sheriff.“  
„Deputy.“ Rick objected weakly.  
„Thats even worse. Shouldnt you be used to receiving and following orders? Just for your information, you are doing a terrible job. How are you even still alive? Was insubordination not punished by summary execution?“  
„We dont live in the middle ages any more. I have allways been a good deputy.“  
„Well, for the record, you arent right now. Get back to it, if you know whats good for you.“  
A few minutes later Negan nudged the baby bottle against Ricks lips. „Be a good boy, drink for me and I might consider halfing the licks you still have coming. You didnt forget about those, didnt you?“  
„You can give me all of them. Its nothing less than I deserve.“  
„Rick Grimes, the martyr of Alexandria. How poetic. Drink I said. Do I have to forcefeed you?“  
„Do what you want, its not like I can stop you.“  
„Someday I ll stripp you off your bratiness.“  
Rick drank after all. God knew on whom Negan would take out his anger this time around.  
„You know, I have other things to do too. A sanctuary to run. Wives to fuck. And here I am, dealing with your bullshit all the time.“  
Just go back to your sanctuary then. Just go. But of course Rick didnt say that.  
„And I thought you were starting to become my good boy. But here I have a paddle with your name on it. Pity, pity, pity.“  
„You can do what you want with me. Nothing matters anymore.“  
„And why is that?“  
„My son is dead.“ Rick stared right through Negan.  
Negan didnt answer the statement. „Turn over.“  
The former deputy moved like someone was pulling on his strings. Negans perfect little marionette.

Negan wondered why Rick hadnt bolted yet. Why he hadnt tried to take flight. Why on earth he was still there. Sure, the walkers were dangerous. But he hadnt taken Rick Grimes for a man who would take endless humiliation. Of course it wasnt Negans goal to drive Rick away. But a man could wonder after all.   
The man must have a heart of fire, Negan thought. And he didnt want to lose anyone else. Specially not his son. Thats why he stayed, Negan assumed. And Negan respected and admired that in a man like Rick. He was sure that Rick would have tried to rip out his throat a long time ago, if he didnt have the duty to protect everyone on his hands.

The first hit startled Rick. Negan could feel him flinching.  
„I m going easy on you, no need to be afraid.“  
„I m not afraid.“  
„I know you are not. Just saying.“

„Hush, be quiet, Jesus, damn it.“  
„Oh please, like Negans minnions could hear us. They wouldnt care if we started singing the Marseillais.“  
„The what?“  
„Forget it. Come on, now, before Negan gets any ideas of executing you for real this time around.“ Jesus cut the cord around Carls wirsts.  
„I do hope he didnt hurt you too badly.“  
„Everything will be fine. He just tapped the stupid bat against my shoulder, I m a bit sore, but thats all.“  
„Was so hard that you fainted. I guess your dad thinks you are dead.“  
Carl looked upset and distraught immedeatly.   
„Somebody needs to tell him!“  
„Believe me, we tried, but Negan is shielding him from everything.“  
„What is this dictator still doing here anyway? Hasnt he got a sanctuary to run? Jesus, where are we going ?“  
„Oceanside. It would be best if you disappeared for a while.“  
„But I cant leave my dad!“  
„You wont. You just wont be in Negans line of fire.“  
„Jesus? Does Negan think I m dead too?“  
„Well I sure hope so.“

„I bet I am your best nightmare, right?“   
For a moment Rick contemplated if he should dignify this bragging with an answer. But then he sighed and nodded. Why should he lie?  
„Yes. You are. The only problem is I m never waking up.“


	13. Done with your games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negans Patience is running out

„Hush, be quiet, Jesus, damn it.“  
„Oh please, like Negans minnions could hear us. They wouldnt care if we started singing the Marseillais.“  
„The what?“  
„Forget it. Come on, now, before Negan gets any ideas of executing you for real this time around.“ Jesus cut the cord around Carls wirsts.  
„I do hope he didnt hurt you too badly.“  
„Everything will be fine. He just tapped the stupid bat against my shoulder, I m a bit sore, but thats all.“  
„Was so hard that you fainted. I guess your dad thinks you are dead.“  
Carl looked upset and distraught immedeatly.   
„Somebody needs to tell him!“  
„Believe me, we tried, but Negan is shielding him from everything.“  
„What is this dictator still doing here anyway? Hasnt he got a sanctuary to run? Jesus, where are we going ?“  
„Oceanside. It would be best if you disappeared for a while.“  
„But I cant leave my dad!“  
„You wont. You just wont be in Negans line of fire.“  
„Jesus? Does Negan think I m dead too?“  
„Well I sure hope so.“

„I bet I am your best nightmare, right?“   
For a moment Rick contemplated if he should dignify this bragging with an answer. But then he sighed and nodded. Why should he lie?  
„Yes. You are. The only problem is I m never waking up.“  
„Lets call it a fucked up day dream then. I m still waiting for my number, Ricky.“  
„30. Thank you, sir.“  
Negan smirked. „You are so ridicoulosly well behaved.“  
„Well, it isnt helping.“  
„It helps a lot, Ricky.“  
„Please, can I see my son?“  
„I dont think so, Ricky.“  
Rick looked distraught. „Please…“  
„It wont do you any good.“   
Negan thought about paying Carl a visit, maybe setting him free from his confinement. He had made sure to send Arat in to tend to his wounds five minutes ago. So it came as a suprise when his femal lieutnant knocked on the front door and asked if he maybe had misplaced his prisoner. Negan asked first if something was wrong with Arats eyes. But when he saw the empty shed for himself he finally lost it.   
„The little rascal will pay for it this time! I have it up to here with his antics!“  
The saviour stormed back into Rick Grimes bedroom where the man was still shackled to the bed.   
„Where is he?! Tell me where he is and I might go easy on him! Where the fuck has he gone?!“  
„What…what are you talking about?“  
„Dont play dumb with me, Richard Grimes! Where the hell is your son?!“  
Rick felt like he might choke on the air around him. „What…what do you mean where is he, where…where should he be? You…you…you didnt…didnt kill him then? He is not dead?“  
„Fuck no, he is not.“ Negan seized Rick at the chin. „Now, look me in the eye and dare lie to me again. Where. the. fuck. is. your. son.?!“  
The ex deputy was so out of it that he couldnt answer the man. Tears were streaming down Ricks face.   
Dont make Negan angry. Dont give him a reason to take his anger out on Alexandria. Rick had prayed these mantras over and over and over and now he couldnt handle it.  
Negan squeezed Ricks chaw. „You will wish I had killed him with one swift, sudden blow of Lucille, I m telling you. Insubordination, disobedience, tantrums, thats what I get for being mercifull? No thank you, sir, never again!“  
Rick answered Negan in the only language he knew Negan would understand. He bowed his head, made himself small and pressed his lips first, his forhead second to Negans back of the hand.  
When he eventually dared to look up again, Negan was smiling.   
„If your son shows me the same subordination, I might think about showing him mercy.“  
Rick paled. Carl would never lower himself down to this level. Breathing became harder with each breath. Rick felt like he might vomit.  
Negan caressed Ricks throat. „Now. Be a good boy and tell me where your son went.“  
„I dont know, sir.“  
Negan tightened his hold subtly.  
„Tell me Ricky. Where has he gone?“  
Helplessly Rick tugged at Negans wrists. „I dont know.“  
„Liar. Where is he. I dont want to hurt you, Rick. Tell me.“  
The pressure cut off Ricks airway.   
„I m not going to hurt him…much. He will have to face my belt until he sobers up and stops this disobedience. And if you keep that shit here up I ll make you watch! Hell, I ll make all of Alexandria watch!“  
Rick saw the edges of his vision blurring.  
„Where the fuck is your son Rick?!“  
Rick blacked out.

When Rick woke up he found a letter at his bedside stating that Negan would be back in two days. it didnt state what he was doing. If he was back at the sanctuary or if he was out searching for Carl or whatever else it was he had to do, Rick had no clue at all.  
Taking a deep breath Rick got up from the bed, got dressed and went downstairs.  
It was strange, not having Negan around. When he arrived in the kitchen, Rick noticed a list that Negan had left for him. A to do list until he came back. it was the usual: scavenge this and scavenge that, but also chores around the house and the community.  
„And that better be all done when I get back.“ Of course. It wouldnt have been Negan if there wasnt a threat somewhere in there.  
Rick grabbed his walkie talkie and talked into the blue.   
„Carl? Jesus?“  
Nothing.   
Taking a deep breath Rick tried again. „This is Rick Grimes. Is there anybody out there?“  
„Dad?“  
„Carl? Is that you? Thank god, I was so worried. Are you okay?“

Rick decided to start with scavenging in the afternoon, after he had finished Negans other assignments.  
„Can I help you?“  
„Thank you, Olivia. Negan will have my head if I pass my assignments on to someone else.“  
„Please, let me finish this for you. You have stuff to scavange for him, right? He will be pissed if you are late. Everything will be done when you get back, I promise. Just go.“  
„Thank you, Olivia. See to it that Arat or Regina dont see you.“

Maybe it had been a mistake going to the Hilltop. Maybe they should have stayed at the kingdom. It was good that they hadnt gone to Oceanside, they might have been found out.  
Carl saw Negans car before he heared the warning shot. Automatically he raised his hands. Jesus did the same.   
„Well, well, well, look. at. that. If that isnt our little jailbirdie.“  
Negan walked over to Carl, took his sheriff hat from him and caressed Carls hair. Carl flinched under his hand but looked Negan in the eye nontheless.  
„I guess you ll be send to bed without dinner tonight, kid.“  
Not answering Carl stood frozen to the spot and held his breath.   
„You know, I should just get rid of Paul Rovia once and for all, dont you think? One less troublemaker.“  
Without thinking Carl fell to his knees and held onto Negans hands as if that could stop the man from doing something terrible.  
„What will teach you to obey me? Tell me kid? Should I chopp off your arm for real this time? Should I whip you and make all of Alexandria watch? Should I just lock you away until you cant remeber what daylight looks like? Should I iron your face? Tell me?“  
Carls blue eye looked into Negans hazel eyes. I dont care what you do to me.   
Negan grinned and crouched down to Carl.   
„You know what, boy, this time the father pays for the sin of the son. Dwight?! Bring him back to Alexandria and lock him up!“  
Carl was screaming bloody murder, he was crying and raging, for a moment Negan thought the boy might get a heartattack. Then Dwight manhandled him out of view.  
„I m done with your games, family Grimes. This time you have reached the third strike.“


	14. defeated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan knows how to Play his cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a longer chapter is on the way. sorry for the Long abscence

„Richard Grimes?“  
„Speaking.“  
„Come back to Alexandria if you know whats good for you.“  
Swallowing hard Rick turned around.

Negan greeted him at the gate.   
„I scavenged what you asked for. Its all here. And the work around here is all done aswell, I promise.“  
„Thats good for you, Richard. Unfortunatly your boy needs to learn a lesson.“  
„What is that supposed to mean?“  
„Come with me and you ll see.“

That wasnt real. It couldnt be. Carl was tied to a tree and Dwight held a walker on a leash.  
All color drained from Ricks face. „Please…not my son…not my son…“  
Negan interrupted him: „Of course not your son. First of all, Carl is mine, not yours. Second…the walker isnt for Carl. Its for you.“  
Rick didnt fight. Rick didnt scream. He just stood there and stared into the void. Negan figured he was preparing his body to feel as less pain as possible.  
The leader of the saviours wasnt even looking at him. His gaze was locked with Carl. The boy was as pale as milk. For a while Ricks son had thought that Negan wouldnt go through with it. Negan took a step closer to Rick. The walkers chaws snapped shut and opened again.  
„Negan…dont…dont…“  
The eyes of the saviour turned to steel. „Wrong title, kid. Really now, will daddy have to die just so you learn your lessons?“ he hissed down on the boy.  
When the walker took a step closer, Carl watched himself from above. He saw himself drop to his knees, leaning against Negans knees, he heared himself begging. Negan held the walker as far away as possible and finally Carl heared a gunshot.  
When Carl accidently touched his cheek he noticed he had been crying.  
He wasnt allowed to get up from his knees for a while.  
Chuckling lowely Negan hugged Rick as if he hadnt just put his life in mortal danger. And Rick knew just as well as Carl: That had been their last stand, their last resistance. Negan had won.


End file.
